


Riding Shotgun

by bigcatsandkatanas



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Zombie Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - No Zombies, F/M, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, enemies to frenemies to lovers, mid to slow burn, negan and rick are bisexual, negan cusses a lot but I toned him down from an 11 to a 10, sex happens, some implied shane/rick thrown in there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-06 08:17:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 38,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8742091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigcatsandkatanas/pseuds/bigcatsandkatanas
Summary: Maybe it is easy for everyone else but not for Rick Grimes. He has a bright future planned for himself. One day he'll attend police academy. Eventually he'll meet a nice girl and start a family. Perhaps buy a nice house with a luscious green lawn and a white picket fence. The American dream. It's the summer of '59 and everyone has a head start but him until something unexpected happens.A greaser with a sharp tongue and a leather jacket starts up a storm in Rick's small town and gives him some perspective he didn't think he needed, giving him that push to finally take the plunge and figure out, is this just a dream or something worth fighting for?





	1. Double Fisted Brawl

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo. I had fun writing this one. Sorry for any typos I might have looked over. Negan is a bit more sympathetic in this fic so there's that.Thanks for reading. Comments and kudos are appreciated.

King County was home.

It always had been home since the day he was born and the name Rick Grimes was written on his birth certificate. But time had passed. A year actually. Rick had promised his father that was all the time he needed but the clock was already ticking. He knew he wasn’t college bound, he didn’t want to put his family in debt like that so Rick being the selfless person that he was decided to at least pay for himself still staying at home.

He worked as a cashier at a small grocery store down the street and he’d run into everyone in town. 19 was a young age, it still had teen at the end of it but that didn’t seem to stop everyone from his graduating class from playing house.

Everyone was marrying their high school sweethearts, getting jobs or getting the hell out of there. And Rick was forced to ring up them all up while they had smug looks in their faces.

“Rick, look,” Shane approached him on his walk home after closing.

Rick nearly jumped up in fright, “What t’hell! Shane what are you doing here.”

Shane was his typical smug self, smiling as he squeezed his shoulder, pulling him close to him. “Two words.”

“Ugh,” Rick rolled his eyes. “I know.”

“Police Academy. We’re good at taking orders. Our daddies already taught us to shoot, why not use that to our advantage?”

“Look. I ain’t holding you back,” Rick tucked his hands into his pockets. “We don’t need to do everything together.”

“I get it. You’re at a crossroads and you don’t know if you want to leave or stay.”

“I-I want to stay,” Rick turned to Shane looking at him intensely. “I just…I see everyone. They’ve got their girls. They have kids on the way. They’re all set and look at me.”

“That’s on you Rick,” Shane rubbed his back in an effort to soften the blow.

“It just don’t work out.”

“What about Shelly?”

“No.”

“Or Donna? Or Peggy?”

“I’m not assertive enough. You know the kind of guys they like.”

“I sure as hell do,” Shane grinned.

“Don’t tell me,” Rick sighed.

“No strings attached, buddy. They just know how to have a good time.”

“What? And I don’t?”

“You’re shy. That’s fine. Girls like shy guys too,” Shane whispered wickedly. “But you have to kiss them. That’s all you got to do. Anyway you’ll never guess who is back in town.”

“Who?”

“Lori.”

“Why would she want anything to do with me?”

“She did kiss you at that party.”

“It was under the mistletoe. She had to and people were looking.”

Shane rubbed his chin and laughed, “Don’t add this to your list of missed opportunities.”

Lori was pretty, very pretty. Her doe eyes, her light brown hair was always in a ponytail like all the other girls had it but hers was in waves. Beautiful waves.  Rick always felt a little queasy and for a girl, she did always act like she knew what she wanted. There was an intensity in her gaze, something Rick hadn’t seen in anyone else. Just the thought of her setting eyes on him again got him all mixed up.  

\---------

“We are going to the Twist n’ Crème,” Lori said as Rick rang up her groceries.

Rick blinked a couple of times, “Ah. Excuse…me?”

“My date. I want you to be my date,” she inched in closer, her voice low and sultry, “Don’t make me beg. I came here just to talk to you.” Her lip curved into a smile. Rick finally found the courage to focus on her face, her extremely pretty face and nodded.

“Uh. Yeah. Why not?”

“When do you get out?”

Rick looked at his watch, “At seven.”

“Pick me up at eight then.”

\---------

Well it was a Friday and it was a small town. Everyone was there at the soda shop, music was blaring from the jukebox. All the teens were either eating inside or drinking out of brown paper bags outside. Rick focused on a motorcycle, a man standing close to it in the shadows smoking a cigarette. Something was ominous about him, but Rick quickly let it go especially with Lori at his side. He was lucky enough to get a table, he practically ran to it with Lori trailing after him.

“I’m sorry I had to pick you up in that beat up truck,” Rick apologized.

“Nah. It’s okay. A country girl through and through,” Lori nodded.

“So uh—“ Rick tried to strike conversation, Shane’s words of encouragement repeating themselves over and over in his head. “How did Atlanta do you?”

Lori dropped her head and chuckled, “It well. It didn’t work out I suppose,” she shrugged as she played with her hair. “I think it’s in my best interest if I stayed, don’t you think?”

Rick blinked, “Sure—well yeah. Whatever makes you happy.”

“I was thinking getting married, kids, get a house with the porch door always swinging open,” she laughed. It didn’t take long for her to notice the deer in headlights look in his eyes. “I’m not forcing anything on you.”

“No,” Rick swallowed, “At some point I’d like that too.”

Near the front door Rick noticed the red flame of a match from a cigarette being lit. It was that man again. He was really chain smoking. He lingered before pushing the door in such a dramatic matter that it looked like he giving a performance and everyone there was the audience. And they sure as hell were.

His hair was black and slicked back. He had on a leather jacket, white shirt, blue jeans and black boots. He walked slowly eying up the tail before approaching the bar. Grabbing a skinnier teenager by collar he moved right into their face with a snarl.

“You’re taking up space. Get out of here, kid.”

The kid fell back and nearly on his ass.

“I-I uh—“ he stammered.

“Don’t waste my fucking time,” the man grumbled as he sat down at his stool. Rick hadn’t noticed earlier but it seemed like the kid had a date right next to him. She looked disgusted at the kid, then turned her eye to this new man. Her eyelashes fluttered.

Shit—he was interesting to look at. Rick found himself forgetting about Lori for a moment. He’d never seen this guy in town before and figured he was just passing through.  

“Who is he,” Lori said low under her breath with a smirk.

“Don’t know,” Rick hid behind his menu, his eye every now and then moving to his figure as he talked up the girl.

“Shit I can do things for you girl that no man can do,” the man said so deep and booming. She giggled, stared at everything else but him. “I can do things no one can even say, not even in the movies.”

“Things…like what?” she asked.

“I’ll tell you but I’ll tell you real soft, and real low and you gotta just let me inch a little closer so I could get to your darling ear,” he gave her a sultry look. This man was an animal on the hunt.

Rick had seen Shane work girls before but this was something else altogether. She giggled again and hesitated, feeling eyes on her, knowing perfectly well just how fast talk went around in town. And still she fell for it and moved in closer so he could whisper in her ear. Almost instantly she was flushed, she blinked a couple of times and moved back. Unexpectedly she slapped him and stormed off.

“The fuck. How in the hell did I deserve that,’ the man screamed.

It was impossible to stifle his own laughter, but Rick gagged, immediately hiding his face as soon as this guy caught sight of him. His eyes were dark, shooting daggers.

“Hey you. You little shit. You see something funny over there? You dumb ass pig fucker country boy!” He was so upset, he was roaring, the volume and strength in his voice sent Rick trembling.

“I ah—I saw nothing.” Rick responded.

“You sure as hell saw nothing,” The man walked over to Rick, standing next to his booth, looming over him and Lori. “You look at your small dick, son? Was that shit so pitiful you had to laugh at your own misfortune.”

“Excuse me sir,” an older man cut in. Everyone knew he was. He was Mr. Hurley, and had owned the place since the 20s. “We’re church going folk here and your obscenities are not welcome here.”

“Not welcome here,” the bully laughed, he rubbed his nose and clicked his tongue, tilting his head sideways. “Sir thank you for being so polite. Since you are church going folk do you know what’s going on outside in the darkest part of your parking lot? There’s kids smoking some dope getting real stupid. I think I saw some foggy windows too, I’m not a detective but I’m not so sure the holy house of the lord is real cool with that kind of hedonistic behavior.”

“Get out of here before I call the cops.”

“Seriously,” the man lowered his head and then rubbed Rick’s shoulder. “Me and this twerp were going to have a conversation, like two grown adults. We’re going to hash it out. There’s this part of my brain that needs to know just what was so funny, hey—a guy needs to have a laugh too.”

“Enough,” Lori stared up at him, her arms crossed and lips pursed. 

There was a long silence, the man seemingly impressed, his mouth falling open until it curved into a smile. Before he was about to say something, Rick spoke.

“Look. It’s a bit much isn’t it,” he tried to speak as calmly as he could to smooth over the situation. “I’m sorry. That help?”

“No. Actually that feels pretty cheap. I need you to mean it and you’re not wining any Oscars.”

At this point Mr. Hurley was already dialing on his rotary phone. The bully looked him with wild eyes. It was really all or nothing for him because he grabbed Rick by the collar and started pulling him out of the soda shop. Rick trailed along, almost slipping several times along the way

Lori ran after them, finally getting a grasp on Rick right as they exited to the parking lot. Both her and Rick fell back to the pavement.

“She fell, you jerk,” Rick screamed.

“Sorry but maybe if you fought back she wouldn’t have to save you,” the bully retorted with a Cheshire grin. There were people surrounding the three of them looking on in disbelief.

Nothing ever happened and this scuffle was the equivalent to a movie scenario being played out in front of them.

Rick bit on his lip and scowled. Lori pulled at his shoulder, being the voice of reason, “C’mon we can go someplace else.”

The bully tapped his foot on the ground and shrugged, laughing to himself. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it in between his lips, inhaling then puffing out a cloud of smoke. “Knew the little nosebleed didn’t have it in him,” he said to someone nearby.

And that’s when Rick lunged towards him, his fist striking him in the jaw so hard it sent him to the floor. He tried to compose himself coughing when he chomped down on his cigarette.

“She fell down y-you jerk. You mess with me that’s fine, but not her,” Rick threatened, holding out his fist, his arms trembling with anger.

The bully dropped his head and laughed, he threw his cigarette to the side and jumped towards him, trying to land a punch. They tousled, people moving out of the way as the bully got Rick pinned against the brick wall. Rick shook his head side to side, trying to focus after hitting his head. This guy was up in his face canines showing.

“If you think you’ll make me sorry, you won’t! You’re the bitch,” the bully said in between his teeth, then licked his busted lower lip.

His eyes twinkled in amusement, sneaking a chuckle regardless of winning or losing. This guy was actually having fun.

Rick blinked, his blues bright and fierce, remembering his play fights with Shane in his backyard. There was always technique to winning and by god he wanted to end up on top. He punched the bully several times in the ribs. The bully let go and fell back, not before shoving Rick to the floor when he tried to walk away. He pushed him down, all Rick could feel was a leather glove up against his face, pulling at his hair as they rolled around the concrete.

Their chests were heaving, Rick’s heart beating a mile a minute.

He could hear Lori screaming from the crowds to stop.

“Negan. My name is Negan. I’m going to kick your ass and I can’t risk if we don’t see each other again. I need you to remember my name,” the bully said low and gruff, it sent goosebumps down Rick’s spine. He rolled his eyes back at this defeat, he wasn’t going anywhere. That’s when Negan landed one and then another. And those punches, they hurt. God they hurt so much. Rick was seeing double and he heard Lori again.

“Shane! He’s over there!”

He felt the weight on top of him move off suddenly, the figure of his friend dragging the bully away and sirens wailing in the distance.

\-----------

“Well aren’t you just looking so cute over there in your corner?”

Rick’s eyes opened, his face sore, his entire body ached. He was on the bench in a cell and at the other end was Negan with a bag of frozen peas on his face.

“What,” Rick tried to sit up, but groaned in pain and decided to stay laying down. “What the hell?”

“You need a run-down, kid?”

“Don’t call me kid. What—how old are you,” Rick cringed.

Negan raised his eyebrows and sighed. “Just turned twenty-one.”

“So what’s two years then,” Rick laughed.

“The fuzz came faster than I thought they would. Makes sense, huh? This town in pretty fucking small.”

“I can’t have this on my record,” Rick sighed, Negan looked confused, narrowing his eyes.

A cop came in with his keys in hand. “It won’t,” he said with utmost certainty, unlocking the cell. “You need some help up?”

Rick nodded side to side and walked outside the cell. He turned to look at Negan and then back at the officer. “So, is dad here,” he said under his breath.

The officer nodded, “Yeah.”

“Is he?”

“He’s upset. Very.”

“Okay.”

Luckily Shane was waiting out there, he had his head in his hands looking concerned. He walked towards Rick and rubbed his back, resting his hand behind his neck as he rubbed his head against his.

“Sorry they locked you up with that asshole. I made a scene about it,” Shane grinned, “You okay?”

“Yeah—yeah I’m fine,” Rick nodded putting on the jacket Shane handed him. “I just want to go home and sleep.”

“Should have seen Lori, she was worried. I drove her home since it was so late.”

“What a great way to end a date,” Rick dropped his head. “I don’t expect a call back.”

“Something tells me it’ll take more than that. You’ll be laughing at how right I am when you make me your best man at your wedding.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Your confidence is not contagious.”

“So,” Shane clutched at Rick’s shoulder. “The second he busts out of this joint I can hand you his ass on a platter if you want.”

“No. Shane. I’m fine. Bruise ego, is all,” Rick said with sad eyes. He saw his dad coming from the front entrance with his keys in hand. “Tomorrow, yeah?” Rick said to Shane.

Shane nodded, “Offer still stands okay?”

Rick tilted his head back and laughed. He wasn’t ready for the choice words his dad was about to say but it was worth hearing it on the way back home because at least at the end of the ride he could curl up in his bed and get some much needed sleep.

The second his head hit the pillow he was out.

\--------------

Work went by slow, Rick worked the morning shift even though he only got a couple of hours of sleep. That was just fine though because there weren’t many customers. He was working on stocking the produce section out of the corner of his eye he saw someone approach him.

“It took some time for me to find you.” There was that familiar voice that sent Rick seething. He turned a dead pan look in his eye.

“You’re not getting me fired.”

“I come in good spirits and all that jazz,” Negan smiled. “I get it, this is a place of service right? I’m sure plenty of questions come to you, right? Like what is the best kind of detergent? Are these tomatoes ripe? That sort of thing.”

“Cut it out.”

“Well are they?”

Rick swallowed, he practically felt Negan breathing down his neck. “Yes.”

“Next question. Care to tell me where my hog is? I got out of your god forsaken town’s police station, walking around about as dandy as a fella can be and you wouldn’t believe what these eyes saw in the good ol’ Twist n’ Crap? Nothing. Just an empty parking lot.”

“I don’t know,” Rick’s lip trembled as he stared up at Negan’s intimidating gaze, “Something tells me you made a lot of enemies along the way. I’m not the only one.”

“There’s at least a hundred of you living here. You’re all probably all a load of hens. Talk spreads. You knowing something isn’t that bad of an presumption to make.”

Rick sighed, “I haven’t talked to anyone. I fell asleep. Came to work. That’s it.”

“Shit,” Negan moved back, “You’re such a square. Is that what you do all day?”

“What do you do?”

“I work odd jobs here and there. Speaking of…you got any openings here,” Negan leaned close again, Rick walked away grabbing another box and unloading those tomatoes.

“You don’t rob banks?”

“Fuck. I wish. But people in the south have shotguns and I value my head on my shoulders and my head down under if you get me?”

Rick stared blankly at nothing, blinking in absolute disgust at this man. “No there’s no openings. I don’t know about your bike. If you could leave that’d be great.”

“I gotta feeling like something is itching at the back of my skull,” Negan crossed his arms, tilting his head, “Your friend, that ridiculously handsome fella. He really had it for me didn’t he? He your boyfriend? You his toy?”

“Out,” Rick spat, pointing at the door.

“I’m getting to something here. Kindly let me finish. But I think he’s the one who fucked with my shit and I don’t like when people fuck with my shit. I get the feeling me and you, we’re cool, we’re as cool as we can get. But he’s real protective about his turf. And by turf I mean you, whatever that is. I don’t care about that, different strokes right? But—BUT I need you to send Mr. Homecoming King a message, it’s that he shouldn’t mess with me. I will find him. I will tear him a new one, because boy—is he asking for it.”

Rick stared out the window as he saw Negan making his exit. It made sense that it’d be Shane. He was the one always finding trouble. Rick dropped his head and smiled.

\--------------

Lori was waiting outside for Rick when he got out of work.

“You look bad,” she said with a devilish smile.

And she—well—she looked far from bad. She was wearing a yellow sun dress. Rick couldn’t help focusing on her exposed shoulders or her calves or her ankles. She liked he was watching, she couldn’t help feeling smug at how she made him feel.

“Didn’t think I’d see you again,” said Rick.

“I guess you were wrong.”

“You want to get dinner at the diner,” smiled Rick, Lori nodded.

“You wouldn’t believe what happened,” she dropped her head and laughed, “Seriously you won’t guess.”

“I don’t know. I’m tired, too tired to think, honest,” Rick softly chuckled.

“That guy you fought with, he’s still going around town and he actually approached me,” she paused, trying to stifle her laughter, “He apologized.”

“He what,” Rick searched her expression half expecting her to be joking.

“No really? He said he was sorry, I think he tried to hit on me but it seems like Shane really housebroke him.”

“Shane?”

“Yeah. You didn’t hear? The guy’s motorcycle is junked up outside the city limits. Shane took it apart with his buddies and took a baseball bat to its the headlights.”

“Negan was asking questions,” Rick sighed and tucked his hands into his cardigan pockets.

“Negan?”

“That’s his name. Yeah. Well he don’t know.”

“Oh,” Lori looked legitimately surprised.

“He’s strange.”

“I guess he isn’t so bad, huh,” Lori said, her gaze far off. She held onto Rick’s arm and continued walking with him.

Rick scoffed, "I wouldn't go that far." 


	2. Rick the Square

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos and comments! I'm glad you guys are really liking it. Looks like I'm extending this fic to five chapters. I'll be updating every couple of days or so. Sorry for any typos or such.

That damn ford didn’t handle so great, Rick was always scared it was going to crap out on him and at that very moment he was driving too far and not within walking distance of the town. At the horizon he could see a hunk of metal reflecting light off of the sun and into his eyes. It was to the side of the road where the overgrown grass was partially covering it. Shane sure went out of his way to make sure it wasn't easily noticeable.

Rick pulled over and looked at the mess before him. He sighed and put on his working gloves. He dragged in pieces of the engine, tossing the metal into the bed of his truck. Holding onto the handle bars he tried to push the motorcycle forward but he struggled. Rick groaned and dropped it as soon as he saw the tires were flat.

What was the point of any of this? 

After some time sitting at the side of the road, mulling over why Shane was this vindictive, he wiped the sweat off his face and continued to work. This wasn't any different than any other time, he was always left to clean the aftermath. Eventually he pushed the bike into the truck using a spare board he had in the bed. 

He drove back into town, and cruised around the streets with the window open searching for Negan.  The guy stuck out like a sore thumb. It didn’t take him long to find his tall dark figure exiting a phone booth looking visibly upset.

Rick’s mouth went dry but he composed himself to call out to him, “Hey! Hey you.”

He got Negan’s attention. He looked side to side and approached his window with a huge grin on his lips. “Hey country boy. How’s it—“ Then he caught sight of his bike in the back of his truck. His eyes nearly bugged out. “What the fuck, man. That is downright cruel, I thought you said—“

“Hey Negan. Hey I didn’t—I didn’t do nothin’” Rick held his hands up but Negan was already working on trying to get his door open.

“I’ll kill you, I’ll fucking drive my fist through your mouth and pull out your tongue!”

He struggled and was pulling on the rusty handle, using his foot to brace himself but the door wasn’t getting open. “The door! It doesn’t work. Negan but—“

“Fine I’ll just pull you through the window,” he reached in and it was uncertain if he was trying to pull Rick out, or climb in but he ended up with his ass and legs hanging out, the other half of him inside trying to grab at Rick who was moving to the other side of the car.

Rick threatened him with the heel of the boot and Negan stopped, “Stop,” Rick said with wide eyes. “I will kick you.”

“Right in the kisser? What the fuck man. Don’t you,” Negan threatened.

“Just listen to me you idiot,” Rick hissed. “I was bringing this god damned thing back to you! I found it and I thought maybe the good Christian thing to do is to tell you what happened. I know a good repairman who’ll fix this cheap.”

“Huh,” Negan got out of the truck and landed on his feet. Rick gave him a distrusting look, and Negan motioned with his gloved hand for him to get back into the driver’s seat. “Sorry I won’t bite. I mean this was my baby. You just gotta understand.”

“Yeah,” Rick narrowed his eyes and scooted into his original place.

“You say cheap,” Negan leaned his arms against the window and ran his hand through his hair, the bags under his eyes especially prominent. “I don’t got much to my name.”

“Get in and we could go get an estimate.”

“Okay boss,” going around from behind the truck Negan gave his bike a sorrowful look before he continued on and hopped into the passenger seat. “Hey this door works.”

“Sure does,” Rick rolled his eyes and started the engine. “First of all I got to say this mechanic, well—he ain’t too friendly. He likes his work, he’s fair and he’s honest.”

“Alright,” Negan rubbed his knees, getting comfortable. “So—uh—what are you getting at?”

“I’ve seen what your personality has to offer.”

“Oh yeah,” Negan sounded a little too amused with how annoyed Rick seemed.

“Don’t be yourself.”

\---

When they got to the mechanic they had already gone off road. The place had junk everywhere, the ratty looking gate was wide open and there were dogs running loose, cats asleep on top of piles of tires.

Rick carefully drove inside. From the office emerged a man, his hair was pretty long for the times, his face and clothes covered in oil and soot.

“Daryl hey,” Rick greeted him with a smile.

Daryl walked to the window and nodded, “You got something for me?”

“Yeah, a friend of mine ran into a bit of trouble. Got his bike messed up. You fix bikes right?”

Daryl looked in the bed and nodded, he held his hand over his eyes and squinted. “I can take a look, if that’s what you want.”

“That’d be great,” Rick smiled. He turned towards Negan who was looking on judgmentally.

“He know what he’s doing,” Negan said low under his breath.

“Oh shut up,” Rick hissed. “What do you have to lose? It’s either broken, stays broken or it works.”

Negan stayed silent, biting on his lower lip. Rick got out the car and engaged in conversation with the other man. Negan had to get out to but was urged to go back inside by Rick. He murmured an okay and got in. He could hear him tinkering with the bike in the back, then he felt the weight of them climbing in. Negan stared out the back window worriedly.

Then he saw both Rick and Daryl disappear into the repair shop together only for Rick to appear a couple moments later with a piece of paper in hand. He handed it to Negan with raised brows.

“He says he can do it.”

“Oh fuck,” Negan rolled his eyes, “I don’t have that much. “

“Hmm,” Rick sighed, “You rethinking your stance on robbing banks?”

“Ah don’t mess with me. Not now,” Negan’s lips curved downwards into a frown. “Don’t jive me.”

\---------

Shane was walking along the street with some of his buddies, he was half listening to whatever they had to say. Instead his eyes were searching for Rick at the corner grocery store. He did see Rick, he was stocking the shelves. The owner was working the register and god of all people he could see, there was Negan at the front sweeping the entrance of the store.

“What are you still doing here,” Shane approached him. “And the nerve of you, working with Rick?”

“Oh hello,” Negan said with a dead look in his eye, “Welcome to Mabel’s Groceries. We just got a fresh shipment of shut the fuck up. Would you like me to kindly point you where it is?”

In a rush Shane walked right by him, bumping his shoulder. He came up to Rick with a concerned look in his eye, Rick’s eyes widened in response.

“Hey uh—“ Shane grabbed Rick by the shoulder and led him to a more isolated part of the store. “What’s going on buddy?”

“Oh,” Rick shook his head, “Why did you have to mess up his bike?”

“You can connect the dots, Rick. The bastard was kind of asking for it.”

“Yeah. I get you. But you cross the line and you do it so much.”

Shane’s eyes grew soft, he turned to Negan who was clearly watching them, then he turned back to Rick. “But so what. So what if I do? I figured he’d high-tail it out of town as soon as he got the message that he ain’t welcome.”

“You don’t think things through,” Rick said tensely. “You break his bike, how in the hell is he gonna leave?”

“Shit man—“ Shane rubbed his head, then leaned on the shelf, looming closely towards Rick, “I don’t know. A guy like him runs with a gang or something. Fine. You’re right. I did more damage than good.”

“Sure as hell did.”

“Still don’t explain why he’s here.”

“Because I helped him.”

“Why on god’s green earth would you do that?”

“I-I don’t know,” Rick cringed, “I felt bad.”

“Look at you. The bruises on your face haven’t even healed,” Shane pat Rick’s face, Rick immediately flinched and moved away from him. “He don’t deserve your sympathy.”

“Maybe not,” Rick breathed out, “But it felt like the right thing to do. With him apologizing to Lori, I thought I should do something.”

“Don’t be naïve, brother. I’ve known guys like him. They are liars through and through.”

\----

During lunch Rick watched as Negan shoved fry after fry into his mouth. He hadn’t touched his own meal, he was a bit queasy from being pulled in two different directions.

Shane wasn’t wrong. Nothing about Negan gave him the indication that he was a good guy. But here he was, dead weight that Rick somehow felt a sense of responsibility for. Rick blinked a couple of times, then realized Negan was staring straight at him confused.

“Shit is something on my face,” Negan turned and looked at his reflection in his window, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “If there’s something about this town is that there’s plenty of dolls walking around, I gotta look in tip top shape.”

“God…just everything about you—“

“Yeah. I get it,” Negan laughed, “Let me tell you I got labeled a whole lot of things back when I was in school. Deviant was the one that stuck.” His eyes sparkled, “Thought why not embrace it. I’m not in the business of making friends. I didn’t ask you to sit with me. You made that choice yourself. You’re a big boy now. You can fuck off. Who cares? We don’t even need to talk anymore. You’ve done enough.”

“What,” Rick grabbed one of his fries and put it into his mouth, he scowled as soon as he felt it was cold. Still he chewed and swallowed. “Then you’d be sitting alone.”

“So,” Negan chewed.

“You were calling someone. Who was it?”

“You got your Lori, and I got my Lori.”

“Oh,” Rick looked surprised.

“Well she’s not a Lori, she’s a Lucille,” shrugged Negan, his eyes wandering out the window. “She doesn’t answer my calls anymore. Couldn’t blame her.”

“What did you do?”

“What do you mean what did I do? Do I look that guilty?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well you’re right. I did a tight job wrecking it. Me and her, it’s splits-ville.”

“What did you do,” Rick’s eyelashes fluttered, suddenly attentive.

“What a man does when he’s scared. Only so many times you can come crawling back saying sorry.”

“Hmm,” Rick took a huge bite out of his burger, and Negan leaned in, his eyes a little more welcoming than they had been before.

“I dipped my wick in questionable pussy. Ehhh,” Negan shrugged.

Rick stopped chewing and groaned, once again wanting to be anywhere but here with this guy.

“So…since you seem to be a people person, what do you cats do when it’s lights out,” Negan lifted his gaze from the burger he was chewing on, with an eyebrow cocked.

“You’ll figure it out. There’s only so many places to go. And you know what?”

“What,” Negan smirked, watching Rick fondly.

“I don’t want any part in the trouble that follows you,” Rick said defiantly.

“You’re such a tease,” Negan laughed heartily, so loud people looked at the both of them. It didn’t help he bumped the table with his knees, nearly knocking over their drinks. “Admit it,” he moved in closer, his eyes baring into Rick’s, “I give you every opportunity to leave but you’re still here. You ever ask yourself why?”

“If you’re going to follow that with the suggestion that we’re friends, I’m not hearing it,” Rick sighed, leaning against his fist, his eyes drooping from drowsiness.

After eating Rick went home and took a shower. He felt a little self-conscious of being so southern, so small-town. It brought back the memory from earlier in the day.

Negan smirking crookedly, his eyes overlooking him after he heard him talking politely to one of their older customers. _That’s a nice twang you got there. You’re just the cutest little southern boy next door aren’t ya?_  He had his arms crossed, leaning against the shelves, this smug look on his face. And Rick wish he had said something, retorted with some insult but he didn’t. He froze.

Rick felt angry all of a sudden. He got out of the bathtub and threw his clean clothes aside and walked back to his room with his towel around his waist. He searched through his dresser and pulled out a varsity sweater and a button up shirt. He traded in the cowboy boots for a pair of converse shoes.

Fine Negan could laugh at him all he wanted, but he didn’t want Lori thinking the same. He couldn’t stop thinking about the men she had to run into back at Atlanta. There was no doubt in him they were much better looking, much more desirable.

Rick showed up to Lori’s house, he got down from his truck and rang the doorbell. She was already waiting near by the door, he could hear her holler to her parents.

“Hey Rick,” she walked out, her body nearly flush against his.

He almost immediately blushed and she did a little.

“Hey uh—you ready.”

“Sure am,” she put on her coat and gave him a nudge. “Let’s go.”

The dance hall was half full. Kids were already dancing at the center to some fast song the band was playing. Rick could never dance to those, instead he looked on in wonder. He was more of a slow-dance sort of fella. For the most part Lori was always okay with that. She’d do the fast songs with the other guys and with Rick she’d pester him for the slow songs.

He always did like that. But it’d leave him confused. Did she prefer the intimacy with him or the fun she’d have with those other guys?

“Look at this joint,” Lori said excitedly. She took a look at what he was wearing and her eyes widened. “You going for something different?”

“Uh yeah,” Rick nervously messed with his clothes. “Trying a new look. What do you think?”

“It’s good,” she placed her hand on his chest and smiled warmly, “But you sure that’s really you under there?

“Yeah I think.” Rick raised his eyebrows when he realized the kind of eyes she was giving him.

“I’m sure if the clothes came off you’d be old Rick again, right,” she tilted her head sideways, her voice low and sultry.

“Uh, yeah,” he tried to contain the dumb smile on his lips and as if his wish were granted his smile fell. There was Negan yet again. He was at the corner chatting up a young blonde.

Lori knew that look and turned, recognizing him. “That Andrea, she sees a bad boy and she necks him in record time.”

“What is he doin here?”

“I think you know the answer to that question.”

“Should I tell him to go?”

“What? He’s his own man, Rick. Let him get roughed up, he’s been hankering for a good beating. You’re getting yourself all wrapped up in all this and honestly it’s really in between him and Shane.”

“She’s Shane’s steady isn’t she,” Rick’s eyes were unwavering from Negan and Andrea. Negan was leaning in, saying things into her ear and she was laughing. Her hand slipped underneath his leather jacket, probably running up his back. Rick bit his lip and looked away.

“On and off I think. You and Shane don’t talk about that stuff?”

“We do but, there’s so many names,” Rick laughed. “I lose track, it’s hard to be sure. And between you and me, I shut off when he’s talking. That kind of locker room stuff isn’t for me.”

“Wow. You are a good one.”

“Hmm,” Rick smiled, Lori hugged him, resting her head on his chest. He tried to focus on feeling so close to her but all he could see were Negan and Andrea. He knew the problems that’d arise and he wasn’t sure if he was ready for it. Just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse he saw Negan tenderly hold her chin and lead her straight for a kiss. She pulled him close, and turned slightly, obscuring the view of their kiss from Rick.

“They’re playing a slow song. Want to go on the floor,” Lori asked.

“Yeah sure.”

The band playing were a bunch of local guys trying to make it big. The lead singer/guitarist had already caused waves but it was only because he was nicknamed Jesus. He was well known pacifist and didn’t exactly ask for the nickname but he didn’t fight it off neither. He was talented though, masterful at singing love songs from the radio and equally catchy ones he wrote himself.

“I don’t know this one,” Lori said softly as her and Rick swayed. Rick chuckled, leaning his chin against her neck.

“Cause he probably wrote it.”

“Oh,” she blinked and smiled. “I like it. I wonder who made him feel this deeply. It’s beautiful.”

Rick tried to listen to the lyrics.

_It’s night. I think of you._

_At night I feel blue._

_Every day isn’t enough._

_Every moment it’s me and you, my sweetheart._

_Every night me and you._

At the corner of his eyes he saw the side door open, Negan and Andrea leaving hand in hand. Rick felt ill.

“Sorry to interrupt, lovebirds,” Shane cut in, startling Rick so much that he jumped. “I’m looking for someone.”

Lori stared straight at Shane’s cheerful face and nearly burst into laughter. “Depends on who you’re looking for.” She said. 


	3. Bombshell (Good ol' Southern Hospitality)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am updating these way faster than I should be it's a ok. I'm glad you guys are reading. Enjoy! And sorry for any typos I might have missed.

All three of them were now outside, Lori was trying to calm down Shane and Rick was struggling to catch up.

Shane was going from car to another trying to find Andrea’s.

“Aren’t you sick of it,” Lori moaned. “Shane! You two aren’t even together.”

“This dumb greaser knows just what he’s doing. She deserves better. I can’t have her being used as a ploy,” Shane spat out.

Rick stood in place now, with his palms over his eyes, grinding his teeth together.  “They probably left.”

“I sure as hell hope they didn’t,” exclaimed Shane. “I’ll show him a thing or two.” He took off his jacket and threw it to the ground without a second thought. Trailing behind him Lori picked up the jacket and slung it over her arm and gave Rick a look.

“Just leave him,” Rick said softly, gently grabbing Lori by the hand. She nodded.

They went to the Twist n’ Crème and had a milkshake. Conversation was light and happy. An hour or two passed in bliss and unfortunately it was time for Rick to take her home. Before they left she wanted to go to the bathroom so he waited with his back against the wall holding her jacket.

He looked the window and noticed Andrea’s car. She got out fixing her long wavy hair and made a beeline for the bathroom. She gave Rick a small smile and he nodded his head. Negan emerged from the car in all his glory, Rick could make out his grin from all the way where he was. He slid a comb through his hair and finished tucking in his shirt, then adjusted the belt on his pants.

He stopped what he was doing when he noticed Rick’s truck then looked to the restaurant obviously pleased to see Rick was standing there staring right back at him. He motioned for him to go out, Rick groaned and nodded side to side, he saw Negan mouth out _C’MONNN_.

Somehow Rick did what was instructed and stared at Negan with a deadpan look in his eye. Negan didn’t seem to notice how much Rick loathed him, he was still basking in his post coital glory.

“Did you see that bombshell I knocked boots with? I still smell like her perfume.” He deeply inhaled his shirt then tried to get Rick to smell it, “See?” Rick shoved him away.

“What the hell!”

“What’s your problem,” Negan snapped back.

“I can’t stand you.”

“Well for fuck’s sake lay it out on me then.”

“It’s been what—three days already? At this rate Shane is going to have your head on a pike.”

“That’s fucking morbid, Rick.  Did news get back to that sack of shit then?”

“You knew,” Rick’s eyes grew wide as he grabbed Negan by the collar.

“Shit, yeah. Wanted to stir the pot. Make some waves,” he grinned. “It work?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Rick let go of him. Negan looked a little let down when no punches were thrown.

“Kid, life ain’t pretty. I live for these kinds of things.”

“Doesn’t justify it. You’re messing with people’s lives. Things were even but you had to take it further. I’m washing my hands clean of it.”

“She wanted to do it. She wanted it and she liked it, probably liked it better than with stupid fucking Shane. Fucking potato with eyes, zero sex appeal. What he’s got, I got more.” Negan shouted.

Andrea emerged from the restaurant and laughed, “You were okay.” She pulled out a cigarette and lit it, standing next to him.

“See. She says I’m okay. _Okay._ I can work with that,” Negan exclaimed, crossing his arms over his head with renewed confidence.

“What’s this I hear about Hurricane Walsh? Lori told me inside,” Andrea asked Rick.

“He’s upset,” Rick choked on his words and gestured towards both her and Negan, “About this.”

“Why,” she narrowed her eyes, blowing out a cloud of smoke. “I don’t belong to him.”

“He says you deserve better,” Rick’s eyes fluttered, he wasn’t the best at hashing things out but Andrea was now too wound up to go back.

“Does he think I’m like these other girls? Like I have my heart in it? I’m the heart breaker here.”

“Woah,” Negan raised his hands, and laughed. “That’s usually up to me.”

“Shut up,” she grumbled in his direction and turned back to Rick, waving her finger. “Now I want you to tell this to Shane. And you better tell it to him good. Tell him I belong to no one. No. One. If he has a problem, he should bring it up with me.”

Andrea climbed into her cherry red hot rod and started pulling out of the parking spot leaving Negan and Rick standing alone. Lori approached them watching Andrea’s car as it screeched out and sped away.

“What’s going on,” Lori asked, she looked at Negan and frowned. “We were looking for you.”

“Really,” Negan grinned, cocking an eyebrow, “Coming from you that ain’t so bad.”

“Can it,” Rick shot back at him. “Andrea just ditched you and you aren’t angry.”

“No siree,” Negan dusted off his hands, following them as they headed towards Rick’s truck, “I’m used to that sort of hit it and quit it sort of thing.”

“What are you doing,” said Rick, stopping Negan in his tracks.

“Well thought I could slum a ride off of you,” Negan tucked his hands into pockets, shivering, “It’s getting fucking chilly huh?” He smiled at Lori who smiled back half-heartedly before rolling her eyes.

“Where are you even staying,” Rick asked, visibly frustrated.

“Uhh you know Mabel from Mabel’s groceries,” Negan rubbed the stubble that was growing on his chin.

“Most people call her Ms. Miller.”

“Well,” there was that smug grin again, Negan stretching his arms over his head showing just a bit of his pelvis, this technique obviously meant for Lori’s eyes and certainly not for Rick. “We’ve developed an understanding.  And uh—it’s beneficial for me and it’s beneficial for her.”

Rick’s eyes grew large and then so did Lori’s, “Just stop it there—“

“I’m not—wait…” Negan’s mouth fell open, “We’re not…we’re not fucking if that’s what you thinking. I sweet talk her, get her rocks off thinking I could you know…go deep sea excavating but I don’t.”

He didn’t deserve a response, so Rick opened Lori’s door and she climbed in.

“Honey, scoot in the middle,” Rick told her softly, “She don’t live too far from here.”

Lori raised her brows and nodded, “Alright I suppose.” She looked over Rick at Negan then back at him. “You sure.”

“Yeah,” Rick nodded, and started walking to his own side, leaving the door open so Negan could get in.

The word awkward could best sum up the ride from the Twist n’ Crème to Ms. Miller’s house. Negan stared out the window, strangely silent, maybe a little embarrassed. Rick wasn’t entirely sure if the guy was capable of ever feeling bad about himself. He should.

Rick started fiddling with the car radio but there was nothing but static.

“So you two huh,” Negan finally spoke. Rick cringed. He obviously broke some kind of record being quiet for more than two minutes but here he was to fuck up whatever peace they had. “What do you two cats have planned tonight?”

“Nothing,” Lori shrugged, looking disappointed. “Rick’s going to take me home.”

“What,” Negan looked shocked, he held onto Lori’s sleeve then stared at Rick in disbelief. “You’re taking this doll home at ten at night? The night’s just fucking starting. What the fuck? You can’t take time out of your busy schedule to give your girl some thrills and chills?”

Rick clutched at the steering wheel, then glared at Negan, holding his lips tight. “Well what do you suggest we do,” he said in between clenched teeth.

“I don’t know. Ever study anatomy,” Negan fell back to the cushion, laughing to himself.

“Come on Rick isn’t trouble like you,” Lori smiled. Rick was alarmed that Negan even managed to get her to smile. That was more than enough bait for Negan to come back for seconds.

“Oh I think you’d know what I’d do if I was in Rick’s place.”

That was it. That was enough. Rick slammed on the brakes, sending everyone forward, nearly hitting their foreheads on the dashboard.

“Get out,” Rick cursed.

“Huh? How much more til I get there,” Negan started getting out, now for whatever reason he did look hurt. Maybe Rick would have felt bad but he was fuming. He didn’t have time to think on that sinking feeling in his stomach. “It’s at least half a block from here.”

“Alright,” Negan shut the door and walked away.

“Rick,” Lori gave Rick a judgmental look. “You take him too seriously. You can’t give a man a ride then drop him off half way.”

“Half a block. He’s not a baby,” Rick moaned.

“We both know there wasn’t half a block left.”

“I’m sorry. I was jealous.”

Lori grew silent, her doe eyes overlooking Rick’s upset face. “Jealous?” She laughed. “Of him?”

“Yeah. Don’t laugh,” Rick could feel his palms sweating.

“We still have time you know,” Lori said low, her hand resting on top of Rick’s, “We don’t have to go home.”

\------------

After some walking in the complete darkness Negan managed to find Ms. Miller’s place. The front porch light was on like some beacon. He dug into his back pocket and found the key, eventually letting himself in.

Home sweet home. At least for now. He eyed up that plush couch covered in blankets that were probably quilted together with love and with care. Some kind of paradise. He made himself comfortable, kicking off his boots, and getting undressed so he was only in his boxers. Stretching out on the couch he yawned and it wasn’t long before he drifted off to sleep.

In the early morning hours, just as the sky was beginning to turn a dark tint of blue, Negan awoke to foot steps on the squeaky hardwood floors. One eye fluttered then another until he saw three shadows above him.

“What the fuck,” he cursed. One thing led to another and he was tied up and gagged, thrown into the bed of a truck. Negan’s eyes went wild trying to make sense of what was going on, of who these men were. He couldn’t remember causing this much trouble for anyone to get them this angry.

 _Oh….right._ Negan nodded and suddenly understood.

It was just bright enough when they got to their destination. At this point Negan wasn’t even surprised to see Shane staring right back at him.

“Now I’m going to teach you a lesson, one you won’t un-learn,” Shane threatened. Negan blinked and shrugged.

Two of Shane’s friends pulled Negan out, letting him fall to the grass. Negan, shook his head and groaned, the smell of the morning dew was especially strong. They picked him up so he was standing facing Shane who was close really close, Negan just chuckled.

“Why you gotta laugh huh,” Shane said, he got the sock out of Negan’s mouth.

Negan spit on the ground, his smile never fading. “Nice to see ya.”

“You think this is a joke? All this shit you’re pulling.”

“I’m not pulling anything…but your girlfriend…she did give me a pretty swell tugjob. But that was just the start…”

“Leave Andrea alone,” Shane spat, his face growing red from anger. “Leave Rick alone.” He got closer, just centimeters away from him, his hot breath hitting Negan’s face.

“Or what?’

“I need you to wipe off that grin and think. Really think. You’re tied up, I got two other men with me and you’re in the boondocks. Looks like things are looking pretty grim for you.”

“What for your high school shit,” Negan tilted his head, grinning. “I’m not scared.”

“You sure as hell should be,” Shane spat in his face. “I’m sure up until now you thought every town was the same.”

“Heh. Yeah, you’re right. Practically every town has a fucking bumbling buffoon. Now the million dollar question is if it’s you. I can give you a clue. It sure the hell fuck is!”

Shane stayed silent, his eyes studying Negan’s face. Neither of them flinched. Shane covered his face and bent over laughing.

“You are one hell of a comedian, Negan. Now I’m gonna be blunt because it seems like I’m not getting through that thick skull of yours. Believe it or not, I speak your language. I can speak stupid. And when you talk to stupid you got to lay it all out right in the open. I want to remind you that I can kill you. I can kill you right here. I’m not gonna rough you up. I’m not gonna play your stupid game. No one will miss you. Not Andrea and definitely not Rick.”

“Okay,” Negan shrugged, “Do it.”

“Excuse me,” Shane got close leaning his ear in to Negan’s mouth.

 “Yeah I dare you. Double dog dare you. If you don’t do your job right I’ll just come marching right back and there’s no telling what I can do but your mom…mmm she’s pretty high on my fucking list. Am I right? I’m gonna fuck your mom. I’m gonna make her feel so good—“

“You sure as hell hot to trot, huh?”

“Fuck yeah. Bet you never dealt with someone who had nothing to lose.”

“That’s sad. But you know what you need? I think you need to take a nice cold bath, maybe shrink those big balls of yours.”

“What in the hells fucking bells,” Negan laughed

And that’s when Shane pushed, like a charging bull he pushed with so much force that Negan lost his footing and fell back almost immediately. They say most people see their lives flash before their eyes but this wasn’t really the case. Instead when Negan was expecting the ground he didn’t feel it, he hit water instead. The only word that repeated itself in his head was the word fuck. That word carried a great amount of meaning for him and now he was screaming it, trying to keep the water out of his lungs.

After struggling for some time, praying to god he’d be a better man if he got out of it alive, he stretched out his legs just enough to realize the water wasn’t shallow. He stopped panicking and stood. His eyes were like saucers, he stared up at Shane and his friends who were all watching from his truck trying to stifle their laughter.

“Good luck keeping warm,” Shane laughed and drove off.

It was a pretty sobering experience even for Negan. Most times thinks never really sunk in.  And this, well, it blew. He moved his head to get his hair off of his face and hopped until he got out of the lake. He was shivering and was next to naked. Luckily they didn’t tie his restraints too tight because with a bit of biting he managed to get his arms free and then his feet.

He wasn’t sure where he was but he kept walking with the mindset that eventually he’d reach a road he’d recognize. Clutching at himself he took one harrowing step after another, cursing at himself why he decided not to keep his socks on that night. The more the sun started to come out, the more the insects came out in swarms, biting the living hell out of him. Cold, itchy, uncomfortable.

Finally there was a road after a good forty minutes of walking. Still he wandered, a couple of trucks driving by, their driver’s heads poking out to stare at Negan in confusion. He probably should have been embarrassed but that really wasn’t his thing. He didn’t feel much at all except for his bones rattling from exposure.

Good Christians, huh? Not one person thought to stop for him until someone did.

Negan half expected a cold cup of coffee to be thrown at his face, but instead he saw Rick. Good old—somewhat—reliable Rick.

“Negan,” Rick called out, unsure if he was really looking at the same man he dropped off the night before.

“I can get in,” Negan asked, his voice rough and monotone.

“Sure. Sure,” Rick opened the door for him. He watched Negan concerned.

The whites of his piercing blues were red, Negan concluded he didn’t get much sleep either. “You alright,” asked Negan.

His words seemed to startle Rick even more. “What happened? You got home didn’t you? I’m sorry for dropping you off too early.”

“No. It’s a ok.”

“You’re dirty, cold and naked and miles away from where you’re staying.”

“I ah—“Negan licked his lips, blinking because his eyes felt so dry. “I don’t think I can talk about it.”

“We’re going to my house,” Rick nodded, his lips pursed as he pulled back into the lane. “I dropped off Mom at the bus station and Dad well he’s off fishing. You could take a shower, put on some clean clothes.”

“I said I was fine.”

“Just tell me, was it fucking Shane?”

“He jimmied his way into to Mabel’s. That enough info for ya?”

“We’re still going to my house. At least there he knows to knock before he comes in.”

\--------------

Rick’s house was cute. Cute like it could be on the cover of one of those housekeeping magazines. Negan was freshly bathed and wearing a pair of Rick’s pajamas. The bottoms fit too short leaving his ankles exposed.

“So how long is this invitation for,” Negan sauntered towards Rick who was in the kitchen serving the both of them eggs.

“I don’t know. Depends on when Dad comes back.”

“You don’t think he’d like me?”

“Have you ever considered not acting like yourself for once,” Rick smiled.

Negan threw his head back and laughed, “Smart. It was always hard for me to censor myself. You can’t censor greatness.”

“You just keep telling yourself that,” Rick took a drink out of his coffee and sighed, staring out the window. “I’ll pay half of what you owe Daryl if it’ll get you out of here quicker.”

“Shit. You want me out that bad?”

“You’re bringing the worst out of my best friend,” Rick said plainly, “So yes.”

“Okay. I’m a big boy,” Negan noticed Rick was rigid, it didn’t seem like he wanted to be this cruel but he still respected his honesty. “This wasn’t for nothing. I’m starting to want to be back home myself.”

They ate in silence for a while, Rick mulling something he was about to say.

“Want to go to the drive in tonight?”

“Oh. You mean the passion pit,” Negan said a little too excited. “Can you get me a date?”

“I’m sure Lori can work something out,” Rick got a forkful of egg and shoved it into his mouth.


	4. Right in the Kisser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and for the comments. Kinda skimmed this chapter in a hurry, so sorry if I made any mistakes. Enjoy!

It was game day, most people in town would show up to watch. Rick wasn’t sure if it was tradition or boredom or a mixture of both. He could remember showing up with Shane and his group even though he didn’t enjoy football all that much. But he did like living in Shane’s shadow. There was always something about him that helped him feel much better about himself. To feel some sense of relief that he went out of his way to keep him around when most friends had drifted apart.

Sure enough there was Shane behind the bleachers drinking some booze with his other friends. As soon as he caught sight of Rick his eyes brightened.

“Rick where you’ve been,” he hugged Rick roughly then lovingly rubbed his head.

“Here and there,” Rick looked at Shane’s buddies, tucking his hands into his pockets as soon as he felt nervous. “We need to talk.”

When they were alone Shane stared him straight in the eyes, then looked away, “You don’t need to say anything. I know.”

“Why are you so protective of me?”

“Why,” Shane gasped out then laughed, rubbing his chin. “You’re really asking why?”

“What you did could have easily gone wrong and it was cruel. Beating a damn dead horse. It couldn’t just be over Andrea. I know you. She’s just yesterday’s news. It’s damn unfortunate but that’s the way it is right,” Rick searched for Shane’s eyes but they were darting here and there.

“He just can’t be waving his dick around and expect me to stay cool with it. That’s the message I’m trying to send.”

“You know how you deal with guys like him? You ignore them. You don’t give them a single bit of attention and they go back under their rock. With each stupid stunt you pull he just keeps on finding me.”

“Shit. The guy ain’t some cute puppy. Turn him loose.”

“Think I haven’t tried?”

“No you sure as hell haven’t,” Shane pulled out a cigarette and lit it. “You’re not trying hard enough. No one’s asking you to be kind to him. Not even him. You and me, we used to talk every single day. Now I can’t go by the store without seeing that mug of his. So smug, he knows what he’s doing. Don’t for a second go on thinking he’s some saint.”

“He isn’t. What makes you think I do?”

“The way you’re looking at me right now. I don’t know that guy right there. That’s not the Rick I know.”

“Stop.”

“You thought it was funny when I’d pull these tricks on our shitty teachers, on anyone who’d give us a hard time. Those were the kinds of stories we’d tell our kids right? It’s all a joke and suddenly it ain’t?”

Rick got back into his truck in a huff, Negan was standing outside, perplexed as Rick scooched to the driver seat. He followed in right after him.

“Why did we stop here,” Negan asked, “We could have checked out the game. Not my thing but—“

“We’re not getting the girls,” Rick muttered, now Negan was really confused.

“Uhm okay but wasn’t that the whole point to going out?”

“Is that all you ever think about?”

“Uh fuck. Excuse me? Yes? Boys will be boys. We are both boys, yeah? Eager and ready.”

“I think I’m tired of everyone right now,” Rick rubbed his temples, his eyes shut closed.

“So you just want to hang with me?”

“Maybe?”

“Well shit. You could have just said that,” Negan laughed heartily and pat Rick’s back. “Let’s get so blitzed we don’t know what’s what. Does that sound like a plan?”

So what was a day in the life of Negan?

After spending some time with him Rick noticed he always had a habit of mumbling to himself. He wasn’t sure if he was conscious of it half the time. Another thing he’d do was the second he’d see a mirror, he’d stare at himself. Really stare. Fix a stray hair or two, adjust his posture just to really make sure he exuded confidence and attitude. He hardly turned it off, but sometimes there were glimpses of vulnerability.

Home.

He’d mention it like it was a dream more than a place. It nagged at Rick a little bit. Home for him was about as clear as day. It was here. Right here in King County, with Shane, with Lori, with all the familiar faces that’d greet him every day.

Rick found himself wondering what it’d be like to not have this town. He’d probably be just as lost as Negan.

“God if I didn’t like women so much, I’d fucking kiss myself.” He always had something to say.

Both Negan and Rick stood in front of a mirror in a gas station bathroom. “It smells,” Rick cringed.

“Yes it most certainly the fuck smells. Man what the fuck did they eat?”

“What’s the plan then, you’re calling all the shots,” Rick rubbed his nose looking up at Negan who was slicking back his hair, practicing his best Elvis impersonation.

“Elvis is such a shit but that guy’s really got something, huh? So much pussy all up to his neck, I bet. He’s drowning in it. Wonder if he gets sick of that much pussy. Can you get sick of pussy,” Negan mused out loud. “I couldn’t eat the same thing every day. Maybe it’s the thrill of the hunt? Who’d just want it handed to you? I love it best when the odds are against me. Makes the victory so much sweeter.”

When Negan didn’t get an answer, he turned to look at Rick who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. “You done,” he said flatly.

“Booze has got to happen and I still want to catch a flick.”

“It’s the drive-in or it’s the booze. Can’t have both.”

“C’mon figure something out. The Giant Gila Monster is playing. I want to see a huge fucking lizard smash things.”

\----------

Rick and Negan couldn’t stop exploding into a fit of giggles. Rick bent down behind some shrubs, Negan following after him. “You gotta shut up. C-can’t you shut up,” Rick cursed.

Negan took a huge gulp out of a bottle then threw it against a house, it shattered loudly.

“F-fuck,” Negan shouted a little too loudly, stumbling to the ground as soon as he saw a light switch on from inside. He crawled up to Rick, still snickering.

Rick smacked him, then put a finger over his lips, “No more out of your stupid hole.”

“M-My what,” Negan choked on laughter, he really couldn’t be quiet at all.

“The next part is gonna be easy. We jump a couple fences until we reach this yellow house. The lady there’s got a good view of the screen since her fence is falling over. She even has some chairs we could even sit in.”

“H-How do you know this?”

“She asks me to water the plants sometimes. She’s a nice lady.”

“Is this nice lady gone?”

“No,” Rick smirked, cocking an eyebrow, “But she sleeps early and once those meds kick in she’s out.”

“That’s my boy.”

A swinging bench in the backyard would serve as their seating. Negan excitedly kept rocking the both of them, Rick admittedly was becoming a little queasy.

“Looks like we missed out on the stupid commercials,” Negan started getting comfortable, opening a small bag of chips and shoving them into his mouth haphazardly.

“I’m dizzy, I can’t even focus,” Rick blinked, trying to stop seeing double.

“It’ll wear off,” reaching out to Rick, Negan squeezed his shoulder, but he left his arm there, lingering behind him. He slouched down and spread his legs. He was taking as much space as humanly possible forcing Rick to squeeze against the far edge so he could have space to breathe.

God he could never breathe around him. His lungs shriveled up, his face was hot, and he was annoyed. That had nothing to do with being drunk. He really couldn’t pay attention, but Negan—he was sucked in to the movie almost instantly.

Eventually the Gila monster appeared. It knocked a car, sending it rolling down a hill, Negan moaned. “Shit. What makes monsters so angry, huh?”

Rick sighed and leaned his fist against his cheek, growing bored. “You should ask yourself.”

Negan smirked, looking at Rick through half lids. “Monsters are misunderstood. At least I am. Doubt this movie’s gonna take time to explain how the lizard’s momma treated him.”

“So how’d your mom treat you?”

“Okay. She did what she could.”

“You bad from the start?”

“I cut and bleed like the rest of you,” Negan seemed hurt, he looked away back at the movie. “Shit all your talking and I missed out on what’s going on.”

Rick looked down at his hands then back at Negan, “Sorry I just—“

“It’s fine. What’ll it take to shut you up,” he didn’t even bother trying to sound upset, he was already laughing while he said it.

“I can take a hint.”

Some time passed and in all honesty the movie was more talk than action so far.

A couple was on the screen, they were kissing. Two lovers clinging to one another, rubbing their faces together the way they always did in the movies. Negan crossed his legs and rubbed his mouth.

“So yesterday? You and Lori did you uh—“

“Ah,” Rick blushed fiercely, his palms sweating. “Well.”

“Well?”

“I choked.”

“You choked,” Negan laughed. “How can you choke, kid. It’s the bird and the bees. People have been doing it since the beginning of time. Don’t tell me—“

“Tell you what,” Rick furrowed his brow, immediately regretting saying anything.

“You ain’t never,” Negan shifted in his seat, sitting up and rubbing his knees. He licked his lips, staring straight at Rick deeply. “You know?”

“It’s your favorite word. What stopping you from using it now,” Rick glared. Negan just seemed shocked, he faced Rick, running his hand through his hair with a huge grin on his lips.

“But have you never looked at yourself in the mirror—“

Rick’s eyes grew large. “Uh?” was the only thing that could come out of his mouth.

“Girls see wedding bells with fellas like you. And no one’s tried to cut to the front of the line, not even your Lori?”

“We’ve kissed already, we messed around a little.”

“Define mess around,” Negan moved closer with an intensity that was putting off Rick, making him even more nervous.

“Just hands going places…I suppose maybe not as far as you’d think— You’re just gonna laugh at me, yeah?“

“No not laugh I just. Fuck. You don’t know what you’re missing.”

Rick tried his hardest not to notice the way Negan’s tongue kept peeking out, how he bit on his lower lip. He felt dizzy and weird. His eyes retreated behind him and at the movie projection. “The lizard. It’s gonna get them.”

Negan turned and luckily his attention span was so short, he focused on the creeping reptile instead, spooky whistling music playing loudly in the background. As soon as he started watching, Rick was overcome by a sense of relief.

But his mind went elsewhere. He thought of kissing Lori, her hands resting on his chest, his hands on her waist. She smelled so good and the noises she made when his trembling fingers made contact with the soft skin on her arms drove him crazy.

But the pressure was what got him. He was scared, he couldn’t help thinking if there had been someone before him. He didn’t have unrealistic expectations for her saving her virginity for him, but he did wonder if he could really make her happy. He couldn’t stomach failing so he stopped her before they even started.

There was a pang to Rick’s heart, he looked at Negan again. Negan reached his arm behind Rick again, still lost in the movie. Or maybe somewhere else further than that. Rick couldn’t be sure but the tension was building again. He could feel something behind him. Fingertips barely grazing the back of his collar. Rick dropped his gaze to his lap. Was it intentional? Negan raised his pelvis off the bench then slouched even lower, there was no mistake now that he was stroking the back of Rick’s neck. His hand skimmed against the edge of the fabric, just barely touching skin, sending goosebumps up Rick’s back. He firmly squeezed his neck and this brought Rick to his full attention, their eyes locking.

Negan’s eyes were soft, Rick could see his chest rising and falling. He licked his lips for what seemed like the umpteenth time, but something changed between now and then. There was a tenderness to him all of a sudden and Rick took the cue closing the gap with his lips colliding against Negan’s. He felt him gasp and freeze, Rick pulled away, his eyes searching for Negan’s expression, almost expecting him to punch him. Punch him hard like the first time he met. But he didn’t. Instead he pulled him close and returned the kiss. 

Lip biting, teeth clashing, breathing into one other’s mouths. It was uncoordinated. It was messy. It was overwhelming. But Rick was consumed by it, consumed by Negan wanting him this bad.

Rick kept telling himself there was no validation in his showing interest. He was a man who came and went like a tornado causing destruction in its wake. He’d lose his appeal after he’d gotten enough of him and he’d get up and leave. That was fine. Rick was completely fine with that.

There was some comfort in that solid fact. Everything could go wrong but he knew he’d never run into him at the store, at the movies, anywhere. Because Negan was going back home and Rick would stay right here as if nothing had ever happened.

Negan was inching closer and closer, there wasn’t any more room for Rick to move back to. He was pushed to the very edge of the swinging bench, Negan looming over him, suddenly feeling small. His hands were everywhere at once, Rick felt so warm in the face, and elsewhere. But he embraced it, his hands working underneath Negan’s leather jacket, touching the light cotton of his shirt, wondering how much better it would be to touching his bare skin.

There was an unzipping, Negan paused and looked down at Rick’s crotch. He was moving his hand over his jean fabric, pawing at him.

He laughed, “Like that?”

Rick blinked, his lips swollen and pink, a flush on his cheeks. He nodded, and groaned, wincing. It was good—but…

Negan now tucked his head in crook of his neck, planting wet kisses, then sucking on his skin, “Hey,” Rick licked his lips, “no marks.”

“Oh yeah—okay, I might have already though. Fuck.  I’m sorry,” he apologized. Negan actually apologized. “You still want to? We could just stop and act like it never happened.”

“No. Are you crazy,” Rick held Negan’s face in his hands, bringing him close again.

“Fucking A,” Negan mumbled rather enthusiastically in between kisses. “Wanna play doctor? Let me see it.” His hand was lingering near Rick’s unzipped zipper. He played with the elastic of his boxers with one finger.

Rick’s blush grew fiercer. “You scare me when you don’t cuss,” he bit on his lip, his hazy blue eyes staring up at Negan’s.

It was always something about the things he’d say or the face he’d make that pushed Negan further each time. He was kissing him harder, his hand going lower, occasionally grasping at the trail of hair that led downwards just so he could remind himself this was real. That this was really Rick squirming and moaning underneath him.

“I want your cock in my hand. I want the fucking weight of your solid boner on the flat of my tongue,” Negan murmured into his ear. Rick’s eyes nearly rolled back. He needed time to recover. He couldn’t do it here. Not at the risk of an old lady running in on them trespassing AND committing sodomy.

“We can’t do it here,” Rick said purposely, “You and me in the truck, now.”


	5. Lovin' Up a Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is my favorite chapter. So my heart is on the line here whether or not you guys dig it. Haha. I'm juggling a lot of themes here so hopefully I get some of their points across. Again thanks for reading and commenting and the kudos. All that wonderful support. Sorry for any typos. There's a semi-graphic sex scene in this chapter so giving you guys a heads up.

“Hmm hmm hmmm,” nice and low like honey in Rick’s ears.

Rick felt arms around him, warm air breathing down his neck. He shifted in his sleep, someone pulled him close. Lori? No. Of course not.

He laughed to himself in self-pity then ran his hands up and down Negan’s forearms. God, the trouble he got himself into.  “Are you singing,” Rick furrowed his brow, opening one heavy lid and then another. He moved his head slightly to get a glimpse of his lover.

 “Yeah,” Negan smiled, looking at Rick with a dreamy look in his eye. “God. I could go on like this forever. Just marathon fucking with no end in sight.”

“Jesus,” Rick rubbed his face trying to wake himself up. That was definitely sobering.

Seeing Negan now in the morning light was the second it started to feel real. He was still in the process of wrapping his head around it. Whatever this was between them wasn’t normal. Rick didn’t feel that fairy tale feeling here. He was drawn to this idiot despite every logical part telling him to get away. He loathed him but there was something about his honesty, his vulnerability whenever he chose to show it—which wasn’t that often. What he had right here was an open and shut case. Just bodies fitting together, a perfect fit. And words, plenty of nice words. It was easy and so very inviting. But he couldn’t see forever in any of it.

The look on Negan’s face begged to differ. He laid back with a smug sort of confidence, his eyes half lidded, his mouth forming into a wide grin. What a tease. Negan knew what he was doing by stretching and exposing his skin. Rick’s eyes couldn’t help traveling that long naked torso.

They were long winded, exhausted, still aching but still yearning. That fire hadn’t died. Suddenly a couple songs he had heard at the dances made sense.  Legs moving, hips gyrating, he knew what the adults were so shocked and angry about. All the teens were going straight to hell because of _this_ —this rush.

Rick licked his lips, his gaze meeting with Negan’s deep eyes. Hell wasn’t so bad and yet—Rick stopped himself from giving in, at least so he could deprive the bully from getting immediate satisfaction. He loved that pained, needy expression. There was something beyond that sadistic notion, though. The perfectly rational side of Rick knew they couldn’t stay stuck in that same loop.

“We need to shower and eat, we can’t keep doing this.”

Negan grabbed his watch from the nightstand and looked at it, then handed it to Rick. “Close to two solid days already. Let’s make this a three day weekend huh?”

“It smells in here,” Rick complained.

“Yeah, spunk and sweat but it’s our spunk and sweat.”

“It smells like a locker room.”

Sniffing at the air, Negan thought it over then nodded in agreement,” Yeah it kind of does. Shit. What’s going on in locker rooms? Christ.”

“I think you answered your own question,” Rick chuckled softly.

Rick started to get up, pushing the blankets off, sitting at the edge of the bed. Negan was scanning from behind, feeling a little flustered himself just from seeing his naked back. It was more than enough to light the match “Heh,” he smiled, “You really are something. I hope you know that.”

Rick felt Negan getting closer, tossing any leftover blanket that got in the way between them.  First fingertips sent trails of warmth down his skin, then it was lips kissing his ear, down his neck, and his back.

“So what’ll you want? Rough, soft or somewhere in the middle,” Negan’s voice vibrated against his spine. Rick shivered and smiled.

“I’ll have none of that pillow talk okay,” Rick fell back with a smile on his face, Negan hovering on top of him. “You can’t convince me otherwise.”

“You’re playing with me,” Negan held one of Ricks hands over his head. Rick stared at their fingers intertwine, perfectly fitting together. It filled him with an uncertainty, a fear that this could easily spin out of control. “Don’t fuck with me, c’mon.”

If he liked someone like Negan, what did that say about him? Rick blinked softly, his blues hazy locking with the man who stared right back in complete adoration. He had no right to let those walls crumble so quick. Where was that greaser he first met looking for a fight with the first guy he’d see?  

“The thrill of the hunt, right?”

“You’re getting hard, I feel it,” Negan grinned, flashing his canines. “Tell me, were you a good boy before? Were you so good you ain’t ever practice on yourself?”

“I’d practice. I’d practice a lot,” Rick bit his lip, tilting his head sideways.

Negan laughed, “Atta boy.”

\-----

Going outside felt different, like everyone was staring even though Rick was sure they weren’t. No one was there when they first kissed, no one was there when Negan gave him that blow job in the truck and everything that happened in his room, well—the same thing went for that. But it lingered like a ghost following him around. Negan’s kisses and touches stayed with him.

It felt good to be marked, but he also felt strangely nude.

Rick went to the grocery store and picked up some things. He was face to face with Mabel—no wait Ms. Miller. She smiled warmly as she rang up each item with her old, worn hands.

“Where did that handsome man go off to,” she asked. Rick froze up, then looked down at the cash in his hands. “He up and disappeared.”

“He’s staying with me. Don’t you remember? I picked up his things.”

She blinked, confused, “Oh. Oh. That’s right.”

Rick gave her a concerned look, “I’ll be coming in tomorrow okay,” he said with a nod. "So will Negan."

After a few moments of sitting in the truck, staring blankly out into the open, Rick stayed still. His mind was an empty canvas and his limbs felt heavy. He leaned against the steering wheel and realized Shane walking towards him. _Great._

“Where have you been? I called. I even showed up and rang the doorbell but you didn’t answer.”

 _Right_. Rick narrowed his eyes. He thought had heard something…mid-coitus…

“I’m sorry.”

“I was so close to knocking down the door,” Shane weakly smiled, knowing almost immediately something was different. “Are you okay?”

“Have you talked to Lori?”

“Yeah. She asked about you. She was worried too.”

“I got a cold,” it was a bad excuse but the first thing to come to mind. Rick practically cringed. He knew he looked tired, but not sick.  Shane was studying him, probably seeing straight through the lie. “B-but I’m feeling better.”

“Well that’s great,” Shane rubbed Rick’s shoulder. “Don’t forget tomorrow night.”

“F-Forget what?”

“I’m racing my hot rod, yeah? Lori’s gonna be there and a whole bunch of the gang.”

“I’ll see,” Rick turned on his truck and watched Shane through the rearview window. He saw him tuck his hands in his pockets and solemnly walk away.

\-----------

Rick drove down the dirt road before he got to his house. Negan opened the front door before he got down, “So who’s the housewife here,” he shouted over the rumbling on the truck’s engine. “We never quite got that part figured out.”

He came out wearing one of Rick’s crisp clean white t shirts. It looked good on him, a little tight. But that was the look of the days. Rick scoffed, carrying a brown bag full of groceries.

“Ready to eat?”

“Fuck,” Negan rubbed his hands together, “I’m ready to gobble anything you force down my throat.”

Loudly Rick groaned as he got inside. Was everything a euphemism for him? He couldn’t help laughing though.

It was surprising when they figured out they had something in common. They both shared an intense interest in the wild west.

“Gun slinging, gun toting bastards, huh,” Negan cheered once the credits rolled. “And that’s just on the tv. Imagine real life.” He leaned back into the couch as the tv started to lose reception.

“Damn,” Rick tried to mess with it.

“Leave it,” Negan shoved some potato chips in his mouth and pat on the cushion next to him. Rick looked and hesitated.

“We’re not having a talk are we,” he pursed his lips but Negan just guffawed.

“Do I look like the type of guy to do that? I just want to hold you.”

“Really,” Rick cocked an eyebrow, “Don’t tell me you’ve gone soft”

“Is it so fucking wrong to do this? I know I pick on you, now let me be sweet on you. Tell me, these hands right here, how often they do you wrong?”

“You dragged and punched me.”

“Okay but how many times have they tugged you to completion,” Negan said in that self-assured sort of way that pissed off Rick.

He stayed silent, mulling it over. “Uh.”

“You lost count?”

Damn—he lost count. Rick cringed. Damn the insane stamina that youth brought him. He wanted to last two seconds keeping their hands off each other but it didn’t seem realistic especially with time winding down. They were sweethearts. God damned sweethearts.

Rick had his hands in Negan’s hair, messing up that perfect coif. There was always something about a disheveled Negan, unraveling because of his touch, his mouth hanging open, so eager for kisses. If there was something exceptional about this man was his eagerness, never batting an eye when Rick would ask for more. Give, give, take, take, whatever the situation called for, he’d do it.

They found themselves playing a game of kissing and touching everywhere but the places that were already explored territory. Rick’s kisses along Negan’s jawline, and down his neck were driving him crazy.

“C’mon baby, yeah,” Negan breathed out. He wanted him still so he held his chin in his hand then kissed him, real soft, real chaste. Rick melted into it getting dizzy as soon as the other man broke away.  

“I ain’t your baby,” Rick could feel that fever returning, his hands going up and down Negan’s toned arms. He tried to breathe in between kisses, their hips moving up against each other, pawing and grabbing like animals. They wrestled a bit for who was on top, Rick won, pinning Negan against the sofa, nearly knocking down the lamp behind him.

“Ah. Shit,” Negan gasped, rolling his head back, his mouth falling open as he exposed his neck. The fight in him always sent him reeling. He loved seeing how fierce Rick could get when pushed hard enough. Fierce baby blues, underneath the weight of Rick’s form, Negan was completely smitten. He should have known then when they were rolling in the rough parking lot cement during their tussle.  “Mmm. Fuck,” words lingered in his lips and they wanted to come out at once. Rick bit his neck, running his nails down the skin that was visible from Negan’s shirt riding up. Negan tried to catch his breath, wanting to express something he had regretted leaving unsaid this whole weekend.  “Wait,” he paused, swallowing his spit before speaking again.

“See I knew you were gonna talk feelings.”

“Shut up. Let me get it out.”

“Fine.”

 “Okay well—I didn’t think I’d feel like this for a guy, with a dick. I mean you have a real fuckin’ dick. I felt it, and done so many things with it and I’m confused. But not. It’s yours though and I really fuckin’ like you. You understand?”

“You sure have a way of putting things,” Rick wrinkled his nose.

“When did you know? Was it with me?”

“No,” Rick answered honestly, “Since before the more I think about it.”

Negan knew just who he was talking about and it was impossible not to look hurt, but he decided to accept it right there. “Well—you’re uh—with me, yeah? Even if it’s a couple of days?”

There was a moment of silence, Rick’s palms sweating from being put on the spot.  Negan was so uncharacteristically intimate all of a sudden. This whole time Rick thought he was the one with all the feelings, keeping Negan at a distance. It was impossible to think he was all bad. He was trying. Rick’s heart beat hard in his chest just saying the first thing that hit his head, “Yeah.”

“Oh fuck,” Negan seemed a little too excited, his hands forming into fists, “Great. Yeah. Come closer baby.”

“I hate it when you call me baby,” Rick cringed, still he did get closer. He wanted to be closer. Negan’s forehead was up against his, just smiling, just breathing him in, lips quivering in anticipation.

Hell—it was all Rick ever thought about now. It wasn’t that he was only full of pure thoughts, they just never overwhelmed him like this. Shane never said this would happen, of course he was talking about women, but this wasn’t any different. Rick had to deal with the fact that he lived in a world that wouldn’t accept him the way same way he was learning to accept himself. Despite being temporary, this was really special. And Negan well—he was really something. Even he knew it.

It was always skin. Contact. Friction. Mouths gaping, soft moans increasing in volume the further they want. Then the inevitable ecstasy. That was the trick that kept them coming back for more, nothing could be as intense as that moment. Backs arching from the high, falling back to the ground as light as a feather. Rick knew he’d forget just as fast as it’d happen, he knew Negan would too. They’d just keep chasing that moment. That’s what kept it going.

When the love was made and it was love—Rick couldn’t imagine himself saying this was just lust—he had his first cigarette on the floor. He coughed almost immediately forcing Negan to laugh heartily.

“That just ain’t for me,” Rick started spitting, then wiped his mouth. “I don’t know why I tried.”

“I call it peer pressure,” Negan took the cigarette from him and started sucking on it, he leaned back against the couch, watching the smoke dissipate into the air when he breathed it out. “All the cool kids are doing it these days.

Rick stared at him, and focused on his lips. The way he’d snarl and smirk when there was nothing to be too happy about in particular. They were blissed out yeah, and Rick wasn’t laughing then but he was now.

“Shit,” Rick rubbed his nose and chuckled, knocking back a beer that he had next to him. “We’ve done it everywhere. When you’re gone no matter how many times I wipe down the furniture, it’ll still be dirty..”

“Yeah,” said Negan clearly self-satisfied with himself, “That’s not such a bad thing.”

“Because of you when I go to church I’ll just laugh.”

“Yeah,” Negan dropped his head and wiped the sweat off his face, then slicked back his hair. “What’ll you do without me, kid?”

“I’ll be okay. You’ll be okay too.”

“You wanna know why I’m all the way out here?”

“You’re scared.”

“Scared? Me?” Negan sighed and took another puff.

“You said it yourself.”

“Yeah…well—Lucille and me. We were engaged. It was the fucking bee’s knees, yeah? But I got a problem. This snake in my pants has gotten me into a hell of a lot of trouble. I was the lead in a gang, the Saviors. We were real tight, real cool. We’d race cars, we’d beat up rival gangs, all that rad shit but I tangled with the wrong people. Fucked the wrong girls and I knew I was about the get the beating of a lifetime, fuck—I deserved it,” he smirked, looking far off into nothing. “That didn’t matter. I had a plan. Me and Lucille, we’d run. Elope. I thought ride off into the sunset on my bike, my girl with her arms tight around me. Didn’t happen. Word got back to her and well—“

Rick gave Negan a sympathetic look. Negan stared down at his lap and took a deep breath.

“The door was closed. Locked. And I wasn’t getting in, so I just left.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Want to see her?”

Negan didn’t give Rick much of a chance to say no because had already grabbed his wallet and was fumbling through it, eventually pulling out a photo. Rick held it in his hands and smiled. Black and white, the girl was a pale and curvy brunette in a bathing suit. She was holding out her hand in protest, Negan probably being the one taking the picture. It was clearly a candid, an intimate look into their relationship.

“I miss her red lips and that damn sailor mouth,” Negan stared up at the ceiling. Rick handed the picture back to him. Unable to convey any real emotion, Rick didn’t say much about it, it was jarring that they both had lives outside of this little world they built together in such a short amount of time. But he thought of Lori and with ease the words Negan needed to hear came out.

“You should try harder.”

“I know.”

That nice bubble shattered at that moment. Negan knew he probably shouldn’t have opened up, but he was bursting at the seams with so much at once. He wanted to gather what was left between the both of them, his chest aching as he rubbed his chin in agony. Running away from his problems wasn’t fun when he had zero company and if he could say so himself—Rick was exceptional company—not that Rick didn’t already know that

“Get your peach of an ass dressed,” bumping his shoulder against Rick’s, Negan looked deep into his eyes. “Let’s go out. We have to make an appearance together sometime. I’m not some dark secret. Although I do like the idea of being one.”

Contemplating for a second Rick eventually nodded.

“Okay what do you want to do,” he got on his knees grabbing his jeans that were thrown on the table.

“Shit.” Negan lifted his eyebrows, fluttering his eyelashes as soon as he caught sight of Rick’s ass. He licked his lips, his hand lingering close against the curve of his flesh. “You’re leaving me with three options here, baby. Squeeze, bite or spank.”

“What,” Rick furrowed his brow then burst into laughter. “You can’t take it back. You said out. We’re going out.”

Negan tried to make a grab but Rick had already stepped into his underwear and walked away. He moaned loudly as got up, gasping as soon as Rick threw clothes at him.

\----------

Like burnt edges the night had crept in, barely enough sunlight left to light anything up. It must have been seven or eight, Rick looked at his watch and it had stopped ticking. Off in the distance Negan stood going through the jukebox trying to find something good. It looked like he picked something but it didn’t play it. He kicked it, then smacked it.

The owner of the place moved to the side of the bar closest to the jukebox. Negan just smiled and crossed his arms, leaning against the thing as if he wasn’t about to have a conniption fit.

“A whisky neat yeah?”

“I said beer.”

“Well that’s just peachy,” Negan groaned as he sat down at the corner booth next to Rick, “Be a man and just drink it.”

“I have nothing to prove but I’ll drink it anyway.”

“Great.”

“Fuck you,” Rick took a drink.

“Fuck yeah,” Negan grinned and bounced in his chair. He stretched his legs out and took a drink out of his glass too.

“Boo-ga-de-boos huh?” Rick smirked.

“Came here with Andrea. She likes to play with the big boys.”

Rick scoffed and looked at his drink, his finger tracing across the glass. “Whatever we have here we could have easily had back home. Don’t see what’s so special.”

“Hush. Now you aren’t sounding very classy. It’s about the atmosphere. Does anyone in here look like someone you’d want to fuck with?”

Giving the place a quick look around Rick reached his conclusion. With his voice low, leaning towards Negan with a shit eating grin Rick finally spoke, “Bigots.”

“Yeah,” Negan leaned back, pleased with himself. “We just milked each other dry and we’re in a room full of bigots. Any one of them could kick our asses to Timbuctoo and back. And guess what? I can still taste you in my mouth and these sacks of shit wouldn’t know it. What do you think of that?”

“You need to see a doctor,” Rick said pointedly. Negan’s eyes grew wide and he fell back laughing so loud that everyone noticed them.

“You got something on your mouth,” Negan rubbed his own mouth, then grinned as soon as Rick panicked, wiping himself off on his sleeve. “I’m kidding, kid,” He slapped his knee then stood up, his voice booming so hard it vibrated the walls. “I’m kidding. Just having a big ol’ laugh here with my buddy!”

“I will kill you,” Rick hissed in between his teeth as Negan settled himself back down, all the eyes on them were now turning away.

“No you won’t. I’m starting to get a feeling you like me,” Negan narrowed his eyes fondly, his gaze growing darker. “You like my piece of shit mouth. Hell if I know why.”

“I’m seriously asking myself the same question.”

“Fuck thinking,” Negan shrugged.

There was some truth in that, Rick blinked, then looked down at his drink. “And you’re not ashamed?”

“It was a lot to swallow,” Negan took a sip of his drink, then nearly fell back laughing at how good of a pun it was. He was surprised Rick wasn’t laughing, his smile fell, “Seriously? There were three layers to that joke. But then I mean—look at you—fuck imagine if I hadn’t rattled your cage. This wouldn’t have happened.”

Rick blushed fiercely, turning away feeling bashful all of a sudden. “I’m not ashamed either. It was second nature. You were easy.”

“Hold on. That’s kinda mean,” he still couldn’t frown convincingly. He was well aware of how easy he was.

“Not like that,” Rick chuckled running his hand through his hair, looking at nothing in particular.

“It is so easy for me to not think. I mean who t’hell cares. It’s not anyone’s business and all that jazz. They’re not there with us, they’re not joining in and fucking us.”

Rick nearly gagged, then laughed, “God forbid.”

“Yeah. So if you’d allow me to pick you apart—why aren’t you ashamed? You look like a little apt pupil. You probably do your own fair share of thinking right?”

“I’m okay with it.”

“Well okay—okay is a good thing. Gee that’s swell, huh. We’re both okay.” They both locked eyes and nodded at each other for an uncomfortably long amount of time.

Down a long hall there was a bathroom, no one had seen them walk together. Everyone in the bar was drunk and solemn with their heads hanging low. Negan jiggled the door while Rick watched him nervously. It eventually gave way, luckily no patron was taking a shit on the other side.

That was the cue for the both of them to go in. It was spacious enough to do what they were planning to do, still being ever so careful Rick locked the door before they lunged at one another.

Stumbling about in the room eventually Rick got ahold of his footing, pushing Negan against the wall. From the force Negan gasped into their kiss, Rick moaned, their knees rubbing against each other’s cores as they ground against one another. Pulling at Negan’s hair with one hand, and cupping his face with the other, he tilted his head sideways so they could kiss deeper. Negan couldn’t help shuddering underneath Rick’s touch.

“That scarf is stupid,” Rick smiled once his kisses were traveling along his lover’s chin.

“What? It’s cool.”

Something nagged at Rick, he knew where Negan got it. He bought it at a store, using the money he earned. The cash that should have gone to his motorcycle. The motorcycle that’d widen the gap between them. Rick’s heart ached and he hated himself for it.

“That’s cute,” Rick smirked.

Negan was unsure if Rick was joking or not, but it didn’t make him any less flattered, or love sick. “Cute. Nah. What? My engine is roaring for you. I’m a wolf on the prowl.”

“Whatever you say,” Rick’s voice vibrated against Negan’s collarbone, pushing the scarf aside and pulling at the collar of his shirt just to kiss more of his skin.  Rick bit down, Negan’s gloved hand was working on his own bulge that was growing with each ministration. “You’re always selfish.”

Negan bit his lip, his eyes closed as he nodded enthusiastically. “And you like to watch.”

That was true. Rick’s eyes focused on Negan touching himself so unapologetically. But that was Negan, Rick knew he’d never get that out of some blushing bride. Rick felt his blood boiling with fire, pulling Negan forward into a messy kiss. And god—the noises he was making into his mouth. Rick moved away as soon as he heard Negan undoing his own belt, then uzipping his jeans.

“Mmm,” Rick made an involuntary noise that could pass off as hunger. He felt it growing at the pit of his stomach, that longing, that intense fascination in what Negan was doing, and what he was about to do next.

“I’m rock hard for you, Rick,” Negan nodded, smiling devilishly. “You see that, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Rick licked his lips, nearly going cross-eyed watching his erection, his mouth watering for it. “What are you going to do with it?”

Negan threw his head back and laughed. “I can feel you’re so hot for it. You’re burning hot against my fucking leg, baby.”

“We’re gonna get caught if you’re going to be so loud,” Rick laughed, moving his hand underneath the other man’s shirt, his fingertips skirting along his naked chest. He contemplated on a thought, speaking out those words after all. “You know what else is hot? Hell.”

“Fuck,” Negan shivered, his hand was already working on himself with a confidence he could get from his extensive experience of his own body.

“If you’re loud they’ll hear. The jukebox ain’t working so there’s no music. They could catch us.”

Negan gasped, biting on his lip, his hand moving faster, twisting his wrist with each pump. His face was growing red. The room was getting hotter, Rick started grinding himself against Negan’s leg again, needy for that friction. As the tension was building, they kissed hard and messy, their teeth nearly knocking against each other.

“Tighten it, I’m getting close,” Negan sluttered out as low as he could, saliva dribbling down his lips. His movements were growing more frantic. Rick automatically knew what he wanted. It was dangerous and they had done it a handful of times before. Usually it was Rick’s own hand pressed against the other man’s neck, his pulse beating hard underneath his palm, red hot heat. This time it was that deep red scarf, Rick did as he asked, Negan nearly going purple as he was about to come.

Rick kissed behind his ear, his tongue sliding along his earlobe. With clenched teeth Negan was getting louder. Rick placed his hand over his mouth, watching his eyes grow bright, nearly bulging out as he came all over the floor in long spurts.

He couldn't help it but Rick worried for him, his affection nearly ripping him apart.  Despite this Negan was the happiest this way, he loved it like this sometimes. It probably reminded him he was still alive, Rick sure knew he was too. Especially now, just watching Negan’s pupils blow up. His legs trembled from the orgasm passing through him in waves. Cradling Negan in his arms, Rick let him down slowly onto the floor.

“You okay,” Rick said softly, running his hands through his jet black hair.

Negan nodded, the deep red on his cheeks growing softer as the blood left his face. He rubbed his eyes and nodded his head side to side, the tunnel vision gradually fading. He was on the verge of saying something, probably something not worth saying, something that could be easily misunderstood. Rick wasn’t ready to hear it and Negan wasn’t ready to say it.

“You next. Stand,” Negan commanded as soon as he recovered. Rick got up, Negan’s fingers pulling at the zipper, getting on his knees.

Rick’s head fell back, gripping at the other man’s hair as he felt himself hitting all the way to the back of his throat. Warmth and wetness and a whole lot of love.

What bliss.

\------------

They got back home arm in arm. Negan humming again. He always hummed when he was happy. Always swaying.

“You ever think about your future,” Rick said, Negan stopped still.

“I only think ten minutes ahead, baby,” he smirked, “Do I gotta piss? Do I gotta eat? Do I gotta fuck?”

“Ah the recipe for happiness. For you. That is.”

“I’m not that transparent.”

“You are. And it’s okay. I need to realize I’m complex.”

“I like puzzles. I used to like chess—until I started playing ping-pong instead..”

“I’m starting to think some part of me wants a simple life.”

“Really,” Negan separated from Rick and continued stumbling until he got to the refrigerator, grabbing a beer.

“More?”

“Yes more,” Negan chuckled. “More. More. More.” His voice rumbled so low. Rick watched him, wondering where they’d both be in twenty years time.

“Soon enough…I’ll be in police academy.”

In his hands Negan held another bottle by the neck, loosely handing it to Rick. He took it, eventually popping the cap off and drinking a couple gulps.

“You’ll be locking up the bad guys in no time. Maybe you’ll pull me over one day and I’ll say officer,” Negan held out his hands to Rick, sniveling to himself. “I need a thorough pat down. I’ve got one hell of a weapon for you.”

Rick snorted, his drink spilling out his nose, “Shit.”

“God,” Negan blinked, really looking at Rick as he leaned against the counter. “You got me thinking about the future too.”

“Yeah.”

“I realize that I don’t want to do squat.”

“Great,” Rick chuckled, standing by Negan’s side, his big bright eyes staring up at him. “How far squat’s gonna take you?”

“Maybe I’ll keep down a job. Maybe I’ll knock up a girl. If I’m lucky it’s you or Lucille.”

“Shut up,” Rick playfully shoved him.

There was something about being in a kitchen and Negan lingering so close, leaning in for one chaste kiss then another that felt like a dead ringer for the thing he used to see in tv. Flickering lights, the static, the white noises, fumbling with the antenna, seeing that structure of a family fade in then fade out. People were still too scared of living one day and not the next and that fact stayed with Rick. It was so embedded in his bones that he couldn’t shake it off.

A nuclear bomb wasn’t about to hit and even if it did, who cared? Rick threw caution in the wind with each waking moment he spent with this guy. This piece of human trash.

He never knew how to shut his mouth. He was selfish, unkind and vulgar but he was so unfiltered. Terribly genuine even if he was difficult to be with in public. 

God—if this wasn’t love…what was it?

He’d try to enjoy this for what it was worth. Playing house here with Negan, that was some kind of paradise. The feeling was mutual. He could see it in his eyes, the way his hands would touch him meaningfully in an otherwise meaningless gesture.

“Your breath is something else,” Rick cupped Negan’s cheek.

“Tell me to stop then.”

“It’s real late. Someone’s gotta say it.”

“Heh. What?”

“Goodnight. I’m gonna wash up for bed. Tomorrow morning we go see Daryl before working our shift.”

“Aye Aye,” Negan saluted. When he was left alone he reached over to Rick’s half-finished bottle of beer and guzzled it, the liquid spilling out the side of his mouth. He swallowed and wiped his face with his forearm.

Reluctantly he changed into the clothing Rick eventually threw onto the couch. When he was finished he started to look around the house, his cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. There were porcelain figures of roosters here and there, Negan couldn’t help being amused about this. He held one in his hand, looking at its details and carefully put it back down. At the corner of his eye saw a crate full of records and an old record player next to it. Curiosity got to him and he went through the records, eventually finding something he liked from when he was younger. He grinned when he pulled out the record from the sleeve and started playing it. With a crackle and a pop the music came out, twanging and full of southern soul.

“What are you doing,” Rick came out as soon as he heard the music playing.

“Hank Williams,” Negan laughed, “Not fucking surprised. Pre-fucking-dictable” He started tapping his foot on the floor. Rick gave him a wary look and of course Negan reached out his hand.

“You’re joking.”

“C’mon country boy get on over here.”

“I’m not dancing.”

“Why,” Negan kept doing his little jig, forcing Rick to laugh even harder. “I rode in on my steed over 'ere yonder and your ungrateful self ain’t gonna give me the time a’ day?”

“Stop.”

“Why not,” he kept forcing that hard twang, it was painful to hear. “I got the blues and I’m just a achin’ for you.”

Rick hesitated but he was just about tipsy enough to let it go further. Honestly, Negan he was looking about as handsome as ever, shuffling stupidly, attempting to make an effort to dance however country folk danced. He had zero clue what he was doing. Then Rick didn’t have a full grasp on it either so they were pretty much equal level. Negan had his hand on his waist now and with the other he clasped Rick’s hand, trying to keep in dancing form.

“Men shouldn’t dance,” Rick huffed out before laughing.

“Ah why?”

“Because our feet are too big and we keep stepping on each other.”

“Yeah. Noticed that,” Negan stared at their bare feet constantly moving awkwardly, “We’ve been sore for worse reasons, kid. I’m getting sore now, I could cut glass.”

The next song started playing and Rick closed his eyes, “I liked this one,” he lowered his head, leaning his chin on Negan’s shoulder, warming up to the fact Negan was now holding him closer. Suddenly everything grew melancholy.

“Chin up yeah,” Negan soothingly said.

Rick didn’t answer, he was swaying to the music his parents had probably danced to when he was too young to care. He lost his head somewhere, everything dark, no longer heavy but light like he was walking on air. “I’m not the sad one, you’re sad.”

“I don’t get sad,” Negan smiled, Rick moved back to see that grin, even if he knew not to believe it.

“I want you to at least know you weren’t practice,” Rick said frankly, his voice fading off. 

Negan appeared to be touched, his expression softening, blinking in disbelief. He could feel Negan wanting to kiss him. One of his hands ran through Rick’s brown hair, tugging at the locks just a little.

“You need a god damned haircut, the ends are starting to curl,” one of his thumbs was flat against Rick’s cheek, stroking his skin, his eyes lingered on his pink full lips. Right as they were about to kiss headlights blared light into the windows.  They pushed each other away in a panic. The curtains were at least closed so no one saw anything.

“Fuck that’s your dad. Oh fuck. Fuck,” Negan exploded, in a forceful whisper.

Rick shhhed him, in a rush grabbing any evidence Negan was there, haphazardly throwing it under his bed. Negan stood awkwardly in the hall leading to Rick's bedroom. “Get your shoes and go out the back window, wait some time then knock on the front door. Yeah?”

Negan nodded with his pearly whites showing, his leather jacket slung over his shoulder, “What a blast! This sure as hell ain’t my first time doing this.”

“Okay,” Rick was distracted, looking at the window as he heard the car stop and the squeak of the driver’s door opening, Negan grabbed him and kissed him, taking him by surprise.

“Later gator,” his eyes were bright, his face flushed, his chest rising and falling.

Rick grinned too. This was fun. _Shit._ The thrill of being caught was damn near intoxicating.

He put his hand on his chest trying to calm down his pulse, afraid anyone within hearing distance could hear it. With fishing equipment in hand his father was inside.

“Hi.”

“Hey son,” he put the stuff down. Rick walked to the middle of the living room standing stiffly.

There was a long pause, Rick’s eyes huge, his mouth in a grin, “You catch anything worth cooking?”

Rick’s dad sniffed at the air and cocked an eyebrow, “You been smoking in here?”

Rick blinked and nodded, he stared at the pack of cigarettes on the table that Negan had left behind. “Thought I’d try.”

“Great boy,” he rubbed Rick’s shoulder and started heading towards the bathroom. “It’s about time you grow some hair on your chest.”

When he was alone again, Rick noticed standing at one of the windows was Negan sticking out his tongue and then holding out the middle finger. Rick gave it right back at him and turned away, trying to conceal the smile that stayed on his lips.


	6. Loose Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Sorry for taking so long updating this fic. I was sitting on this chapter for a while for god knows what reason. There's some drama in this chapter and another love scene. I'm sure that's what you good people are into anyway. Thanks for the support. I'd love feedback and kudos and all that good stuff. You guys are great.

From one couch to another Negan was now staying on Rick’s. He would have been happy if he hadn’t spent the past two days in Rick’s bed. He might as well slept on the floor of Rick’s bedroom, he’d trade in comfort for still being in his space. God, Rick was just yards away, blankets and warmth.

What a nice little bubble, just the two of them and no one else. He fell asleep with that swirling around in his mind.

Eventually he woke up, Rick was already dressed, the distinctive smell of coffee and toast in the air. He heard footsteps coming closer, fingertips applying pressure, then stroking his ear the affectionate way that Rick always did. Negan groaned and smiled, that gesture was just enough to get him awake.

“Daryl huh?” Negan rubbed his face with his hands, now sitting up right.

“Mhmm,” Rick stood in the kitchen bringing a mug to his lips as he looked over the newspaper.

“Just give me fifteen minutes, babe.”

“Hey,” interjected Rick. Negan’s mouth fell, he covered it in shock, looking towards Rick’s dad’s bedroom.

“Fuck. Is he still—“

“You’re lucky he ain’t,” Rick chuckled as he sat in his chair.

Frankly Negan was getting sick of all these dirt roads, all the bouncing around was making him feel a little sick. He probably shouldn’t have drank so much the day before. In comparison to him Rick was looking fine, one of his hands on the steering wheel, the other at his side.

Negan briefly looked at his hand, contemplating holding it. But he decided against it. He opted for looking out the window instead, the sun shining bright, the sky clear and blue.

“You can. If you want,” Rick heard him loud and clear. Negan gave him a strange look, wondering if he said his thoughts out loud without knowing it. It wouldn’t have been the first time.

“Don’t know what’s coming out that pretty mouth of yours.”

“Suit yourself. You keep surprising me every day, you know.”

“I’m a man of mystery.”

“Keep fooling yourself,” Rick chuckled, his head rocking from each bump they hit. He turned to Negan cocking an eyebrow, “Scared the police is going to pull us over for holding hands?”

“Shit get over here,” Negan grasped at Rick’s hand, their fingers intertwining. He scooted enough to kiss has palm, “You’re so soft, so vanilla.” He couldn’t stop himself from kissing his flesh, now kissing his wrist. “I could just take a bite.”

Rick felt teeth and he jumped up, pulling his arm away. The truck swerved, filling the silence with laughter and screams. “Easy tiger,” Rick said with a grin.

“Let me take a look at that ice cream cone,” Negan lunged, undoing Rick’s belt.

“You’re a lunatic,” Rick laughed out, swatting Negan’s hands away, meanwhile trying with great difficulty to keep the truck straight.

“C’mon,” getting closer, Negan was right up close to Rick’s face, his eyes baring straight into him, “Just one lick.”

“You know that’s all it’ll take,” Rick said softly, flashing him his best bedroom eyes. A deep hazy bright blue, pupils dilated. “You know what you’re doing.”

Seeing him this close was driving Negan crazy, fire pumping through his veins. “Lighting the fuse, yeah?”

Negan dragged his tongue across his lower lip, agonizing at how at this point their lips hadn’t collided yet. He needed that look, that cock of the eyebrow, those come hither eyes as a go-ahead.

He stopped the truck.

Rick was the one hesitating. He started fixing Negan’s collar and gently pushed him back to his side. “Not now but maybe—“ Looking forward, then backwards checking if the coast was clear, he started unzipping Negan’s belt. “This could tide you over.”

“Freeze,” Negan smiled, holding Rick’s wrist. “Why is this better? I’m the giving kind, you know that.”

“Maybe we should cool it?”

Negan blinked, confused all of a sudden, “Cool it?”

“Look I’m doing you a favor.”

“A favor?”

“Stop echoing me and say something real,” Rick backed off, pulling to the side of the road. “You angry now?”

“I don’t know. One second it’s green light, the next it’s red. I’m not angry, just blue balled, yeah. Muddled as all fuck.”

“Let’s just make a game of it. We oughta act like normal human beings for a second or two. Then the second we’re alone we just go all in.”

“All in,” Negan grinned, rubbing his hands together. “So that’s a promise, kid?”

“Yeah,” Rick looked at the rearview window, then back at the road in front of them. A motorcycle zoomed past them, from what both Rick and Negan could make from the blur was that it was two women. One was a striking woman with cheetah print capri pants and a charcoal colored shirt tied in front, showing off her toned stomach. She was probably the most stylish girl Rick had ever seen in his life. Holding onto her was a blonde wearing a tight dress that hugged her curves, a scarf flowing from her neck.

“Wowsa, what the fuck was that,” Negan climbed out the window, waving his arms and screaming. Rick gave him a concerned look, but he couldn’t help looking behind him too, his eyes focusing at their image fading away.

“Looks like the blonde was Andrea and the other girl, she was, well—“Rick adjusted the rearview mirror. Negan climbed back in his eyes wide.

“So exotic,” Negan dragged out his last word, melting into his seat.

“She had a glow to her, huh,” Rick breathed out, he got a hold of himself and tried to calm his beating heart. That motorcycle was still rumbling straight through him.

“Shit they were burning asphalt! And they say girls don’t kick ass.”

“You’re the one who says that, not me,” chuckled Rick.

“God I got a hot tip now. You still don’t want to help,” Negan bit on his lip and thrust at the air. Rick hooked his finger in Negan’s belt loop and roughly pulled his ass back down to the seat.

“I ain’t doing shit. Calm yourself, boy.”

“Fuck. Yeah,” Negan rubbed at his mouth with increased interest. “Yes daddy-o.”

“Shit,” Rick fidgeted in his seat uncomfortably just as they were arriving at Daryl’s autoshop. “You pull this crap when you were with Lucille? No wonder she sent you packing.”

Negan had calmed down at that point, but a grin spread on his lips, “Hey uh—sweetness…you jealous?”

“I’m just saying I can trust you about as far as I can throw you,” Rick appeared to be distracted, driving past the open gates, narrowly avoiding some chickens that certainly weren’t there the last time. He saw Daryl pleasantly throwing feed at them. Daryl waved and Rick waved back, beaming.

Negan slumped down in his seat, crossing his arms, his mouth hanging low into a frown, “And now I gotta watch you flirt with Mr. Muscles over here. He ain’t subtle cutting all his sleeves off.”

“Oh shut up, I don’t screw everyone I see,” Rick hissed in between his teeth.

Negan just laughed. “You got me there.”

Daryl gave Rick’s truck a loving pat, “I can fix that damn door you know. Zero charge.”

“It keeps getting stuck,” Rick breathed out a sigh of relief. “Would you?”

“Sure. Anyways was about to call.”

“The line got cut at our house, you’d have to call the grocery store. So you’ve fixed it?”

“It’s about done, yeah.”

Negan’s eyes were focused on them two. There wasn’t really chemistry, not the kind he and Rick had. It was relieving to know whatever he thought he saw before was all in his head. Just some stupid illusion his brain orchestrated when he was still in the dark about his feelings for Rick. Now with everything all in the open, he was just happy to still be in his life.

Daryl was handy, when he had his toolbox at his side, he fixed the door in no time. After finishing, Rick hopped out his side, looking victorious. He slammed the door open and closed a couple of times, until he was satisfied, Daryl looking on proudly to have made him smile.

Even Negan was smiling. But honestly he was in awe of Rick. The guy was happy with the smallest of things, his eyes bright, his pearly whites showing. It was fucking infectious.

Daryl put down one of his tools and breathed out, looking at Negan briefly then back at Rick who was at his side. “How about we look at that bike.”

“The bike? Oh right!” Negan zoned back into reality, practically falling out of the truck. “I need to take a look at my sweet angel!”

Daryl locked eyes with Rick, both of them laughing since Negan sounded so genuinely worried.

“It’s right over there,” Daryl pointed, him and Rick walked slower as Negan ran ahead. “He your friend or something?”

Rick rubbed his chin, pausing, then nodding. “Guess so.”

“I got ears and they’re talking about him.”

“What are they saying?”

“Same shit backwards folk say,” Daryl chuckled, “Mostly that Shane don’t like him.”

“Oh. Well you don’t like Shane so…”

“No I don’t,” Daryl dropped his head, then rubbed his nose. “Hey uh—I can keep it here for a while if you don’t got the funds yet.”

“A couple days, yeah?”

“Sure.”

Negan was on the ground inspecting his motorcycle, rubbing up on it like it was some girl. “Great fucking balls of fire, she looks good enough to eat!” He roared.

Daryl’s narrowed his eyes and smirked, “She’s good. As good as she can be.”

“I need to hear her pussy purr. You got the key?”

“What,” Daryl looked disgusted then grunted, wiping his hands off on his jeans then grabbed the key out of his pocket.

The engine rumbled. “Fuck yeah, girl,” Negan exclaimed, getting on his knees, his hands gliding over the exterior.

Rick’s eyes widened, his excitement didn’t sound all that different than when they were in bed. Daryl was already looking straight at Rick holding back his choice words for this idiot. Rick wasn’t about to argue with him.

“Ready to ride off into the sunset soon,” Rick smiled, scratching the back of his head.

Negan raised his eyes to Rick’s looking as if he’d be stabbed in the gut. He turned off the motorcycle, throwing the keys to Daryl without saying a single thing.

“Alright asshole, not even a thank you,” Daryl mumbled.

“It’s okay, it’s not his forte,” Rick cut in, “I’m gonna give you the number to Mabel’s grocery so you can get in touch if you need to. You got a pen?”

After searching through his pockets Daryl came up empty. He eyed up Negan walking further into his yard looking at the junk. “Inside on the desk.”

“Alright,” Rick turned leaving Daryl to catch up to Negan.

Negan stood still, staring at something. Daryl knew just what he was looking at. There were smashed up cars, tvs, any kind of junk that was rendered useless.

“Uh—you a hoarder or some shit,” Negan asked.

The other man shrugged, “People ask to leave this shit, I ain’t about to say no.”

“Aren’t you something,” Negan smirked, “All quiet, living in the outskirts…Did these town people drive you out with torches and pitchforks?”

“You oughta keep that mouth shut.”

“I got diarrhea of the mouth. It’s not personal just a question.”

“People don’t do me any good and I don’t do any good for them.”

“I know what this is,” Negan said smugly. “You get real angry, fire going through your veins cause you can’t control the uncontrollable. So one thing leads to another.”

“Any person who says they got control, don’t—“

“You’re right. I didn’t ask that Shane fucker to fuck up my bike. But here I am and here you are. I see that baseball bat and I see some real wrecked shit that sure as hell wasn’t that way before. So tell me, you like to smash? You like to tell the system to fuck itself on a regular basis?”

“I get mad—yeah,” there was a hint of a smile and Negan relished in it, breaking through for once.

“Guess what,” Negan moved in closer, his voice softer, “Me too.”

“Slip me a five and you can have a go.”

Negan guffawed, “You drive a hard bargain Frankenstein.” He pulled out his wallet and gave him a five. His finger passed by the photo of Lucille, Negan paused, leaving his wallet still open. “Wanna see my sweetheart?”

“No,” Daryl spit on the ground and squinted at him.

“Fuck. Fair enough.”

Back at the office Rick was digging through the desk, all the pens he was coming across were dry. Eventually he found one and bit the cap off, writing the phone number on the back of their estimate. He heard a door creaking then looked up.

Down the hallway in the parlor he saw Jesus trying to sneak out. He cringed then lifted his gaze, he had his jacket slung on his arm and his clothes in a disarray.

“Jesus,” Rick blinked.

“Hey,” his voice trembled, then he sighed. “I just stopped by…”

“You look like you just woke up.”

“We got drunk, hung out—“

“It’s fine,” Rick smiled. “When I saw you at the dance hall—I heard your song. It was ah—it was great.” He felt nervous but he didn’t want it to be contagious, so he tried to tone down the tension.  

“Really,” Jesus’ eyes sparked as he brushed his hair off his face. “We were thinking about cutting a single then going on the road to try and sell them. Get the word spread.”

“Cool,” Rick nodded but then he noticed Jesus broke eye contact, looking at the scene behind him.

“What on earth are they doing?”

Off to the side Daryl stood, his back against some tires as he smoked a cigarette. He appeared to be completely unfazed by Negan’s activities. Cussing was an art coming from him, he swung and swung, things shattering all around him.

Rick had a question mark looming over his head as he briskly walked towards them. Daryl read him loud and clear after blowing smoke in the opposite direction.

“Looks like he’s working through something.”

“Fuck yeah I’m working through something. It’s one hell of a fucking scientific breakthrough!” Negan jumped and swung at a glass vase, sending it flying right in front of Rick. It hit a tv, only cracking the screen a little, but the vase shattered on impact.

“That’s unfortunate.” Negan looked disappointed, he twirled the bat and right as he was about to swing at the tv, Daryl came up behind him and grabbed it.

“Thanks,” Daryl gave his cigarette one last drag and dropped it to the dirt, crushing it under his converse tennis shoe. He tapped at the ground a couple of times.

Then swung.

Rick jumped backwards, then knelt down looking at all the strange technology behind the broken screen.

“Oh ho ho yeah,” Negan jeered, kicking at the air. “Me next.”

Daryl completely ignored Negan and turned towards Rick handing him the bat, “You wanna?”

Behind them Negan moaned loudly, “Hey! Don’t tell me you fucking cheated my out of a five.”

The last couple of days were a series of firsts and Rick certainly wasn’t about to let Daryl or Negan down. They were both watching him with bright eyes, clinging to what was left of their boyish youth.  Rick held the bat, really felt the weight of it in his hands and then he swung.

From a distance Jesus peeked his head out of the office, seeing all three of the men distracted. He dropped his head and laughed to himself, with a guitar strapped to his back he got on his bicycle and pedaled away.

Something was liberating about being able to destroy everything like some kind of vengeful god. Rick was breathing heavy, his chest rising and falling, his mouth falling open upon each impact. Negan was at the sidelines cheering him on, Daryl laughing a little heartily himself.

Each of them took their turn making their own path of destruction until Negan climbed on top of a car.

“Look at me,” he screamed waving the bat over his head, he tried to jump from the top of one car to another, then nearly slipped, barely staying on his feet.  He rubbed his chin as soon as he set his eyes on a cherry red hotrod.

“I know you. Its Andrea’s,” he asked, Daryl nodded.

“Working on the engine. She wants it real fast,”

“That girl sure as hell knows what’s what,” Negan blew a kiss at it then jumped down. “We had it rocking in no time.”

“Go ahead tell everyone something everyone knows,” Rick rolled his eyes, he snatched the bat from Negan, handing it to Daryl. “We had our fun. Time for work.”

Daryl scoffed, putting his hands on his belt, “Heh. Sucks to be you.”

Right before they started to leave, Rick stopped dead in his heels staring Daryl straight in the eyes. “That girl with Andrea.”

“Mhmm,” Daryl looked at the ground then back up at Rick bashfully.

“Who is she,” Rick asked, his eyes glossing over.

“They’re lesbians. Nah. Shit. I mean…they’re lesbian-ing together,” Daryl awkwardly stuttered over his own words just as he said them.

“Lesbi-what,” Rick blinked.

“They’re steadies.”

“Oh,” Rick was confused, then he understood. “Really?”

Daryl smirked, wiping his hands off on a napkin from his pocket. “They’re some kinda hellcats, huh?”

“Yeah. Wow. Soon enough women won’t need us men anymore.”

Daryl choked on his laugher, “I’m fine with that.”

Suddenly as soon as Rick realized what he had said, he joined Daryl in on his laughter. From a good distance away Negan watched them, upset and confused that he was left out of their joke.  

\-------

It was one hour to closing. There had been a rush but things seemed to be slowing down. Rick was taking a breather standing by some boxes full of canned goods in the stock room. He could hear Negan’s larger than life voice coming from the store.

The hour passed by quickly, Negan making small talk with Mabel before walking her out into her car. He waved then stood up right when she drove away. Rick already had the keys ready to lock up when Negan turned around with a smirk.

“She’s too old to drive. Who lets a fucking corpse drive around meanwhile people get locked up if they’re driving liquored up? Shit doesn’t make sense.”

“There’s that personality I was hoping for,” Rick said flatly.

“You tired, flower? I think your petals are wilting,” Negan sang, flirting so out in the open. “How about you and me blow off some steam. Get a couple chili dogs, drink us a couple beers. See where that goes.” He put his arm around Rick whose shoulders were slumped, and his eyes drooping. Leaning into Rick’s ear he murmured sweetly, “You call the shots, kid.”

“Well. I am exhausted.”

“Shit. I’m not.”

“Of course you aren’t. I do all the stocking, you do all the talking.”

“Oh,” Negan smiled, pointing at him, “That’s a good one.”

“I really don’t know what she likes about you,” Rick gave Negan a good look, patting at his cheek.

“Fuck you,” Shoving him off, Negan pulled at his apron, then threw it the truck once he and Rick got inside. “It’s like shedding skin. I got no one else to please but me.”

With music playing out of the radio, Rick drove through the town with the windows open. Everything was nicer at night. As soon as the adults went to bed, all the kids came out to play. And like a dog, Negan practically hung out the window, howling at the moon.

Rick smirked, turning the corner.

“Hold on baby,” Negan tried to keep his balance, sitting on the window, his hands hanging onto the roof of the truck.

“Are you crazy,” laughed Rick.

“Hit the gas, I bet I can keep holding on.”

There was a voice in the back of Rick’s head. A reasonable voice. Sounded a whole lot like his mother.

Don’t hit the gas.

Negan leaned back, almost upside down, the wind blowing against him as he beat on his chest. “Feels so good,” he roared.

Rick grinned. “You think I won’t? Wanna play chicken?”

“I can handle anything.”

Fuck. Through half lidded eyes Rick watched him. He fucking could. Rick licked his lips, his heart pumping fast in his chest.

This man, he was like some kind of animal and he brought out something in Rick, something irrational, something primal and ultimately something really, really stupid. Without a seconds thought he was consumed by Negan’s screams of joy, the way he stretched out, the way he could see just enough of his pelvis just because his pants hung so low. All the thrill and lust took over. He hit the gas, laughing and screaming with him, hitting those bumps, passing those stop signs without checking both sides.

It was one hell of a joyride.

“Oh ho ho ho. _Fuck me_ ,” Negan sat back up, and started waving. “Hey you!” He hollered.

Rick tried to look to the right, nearly swerving as soon as he saw Shane walking with his buddies, their arms around some girls.

“What the hell,” Shane spat out, he was surprised to see who was at the helm of the truck. But instead of stopping Rick panicked and kept driving, Negan throwing the finger.

“Hey girls you want a real dick. A real dick you can ride all noon and night. I can pull it out, put all these little sissy boys to shame. Yeah Shane, you keep playing with your nub, you fuck! You god damned egg sucking fuck,” Negan screamed so loud he nearly lost his breath.

Rick turned the corner so fast that Negan nearly fell out, almost shitting himself in fear. He grasped at the truck, eyes wide, his legs kicking and squeaking against the upholstery until he slid back inside.

“What in the ever living—“he shouted but Rick interrupted him.

“Just shut up,” Rick hissed out, clenching his jaw, his hands tightly gripping the steering wheel.

The look on his face was scary enough to strike fear in Negan’s chest. He shut up immediately, sitting down in his seat like an apt pupil would at his desk. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath.

When they got to Rick’s house his dad was sitting and watching the tv in a loud volume. Rick murmured a greeting to which was answered with a grunt. Negan walked behind him and got to his room. Rick waited by the door and closed it once Negan was inside.

“I get it. I’m in the dog house,” Negan started rambling but went silent as soon as Rick locked the door. “I uh—I know it was stupid. I said I’d play nice but it’s impossible with him. I remember it all over again and I know it may be hard to believe but I was in one hell of a vulnerable-ass place when he had me surrounded by him and all his boys.”

“No. You don’t play nice.”

“Heh. I sure as hell don’t but—“Negan was growing flustered, there was this dark look on Rick’s face as he got closer. “I promise I’ll try harder. Okay, my blood’s running cold, why are you looking at me like that.”

“I feel like you were sent to me to ruin my life. It’s practically written in the sky,” Rick muttered, pulling his pelvis close to his by hooking his fingers in his belt. He started undoing it. “All you do is talk. You never ever shut up. Never. And you’re a huge braggart. Dick this, dick that.”

Negan raised his eyebrows, giving Rick a vulnerable look as his pants were unzipped. “Your dad is here.”

“Since when did you care? You suddenly care? No you don’t. You sure as hell don’t,” Rick shoved his hands down the other man’s underwear, pulling him out. “And I was thinking—hey maybe this Negan guy can act like a decent human being for one whole day—that was stupid of me huh? Maybe if I reward him things will go smoothly. Nah.”

“C’mon, you’re uh—cruel,” Negan shifted uncomfortably. Rick rested his free hand on Negan’s chest, feeling his heart beating fast with each stroke. “I was good most of the day,” Negan stifled his moan, his hips moving with Rick’s ministrations.

“Show me,” Rick crookedly smirked, “Show me you’re sorry.”

Their eyes locked, Negan’s gaze growing misty as he hesitated for a second before taking Rick’s face in his hands, kissing him full on the mouth.

It didn’t take long before they were knocking boots. Rick was holding onto his headboard, Negan pounding right into him, the sound of the bed squeaking obscured by whatever movie that was on tv.

Guns were blazing.

Bang Bang.

Rick’s lips were a bright red, his mouth open as he gasped for air, his eyes rolling back as he arched his back, his pelvis meeting with Negan’s. Neither of them were completely undressed, but undressed in all the parts that mattered. And in all honesty Rick loved to see Negan still wearing that leather jacket.

That boy born on the wrong side of the tracks was fucking him so senseless. He was fucking all sound and rational thought right out of him.

Somehow he seemed too far, Rick had to bring him back in his orbit, he pulled him down, they kissed messily, Negan eventually burying his head in his neck.

He grabbed at Rick’s thighs, lifting his pelvis off the bed so he could slam right into him, right at his core, and god it worked, it was so much better.

“Ah. Shit,” Rick got on his elbows, moving against Negan.

“That—uhh—that good?”

Rick furrowed his brows, his mouth still gaping as he nodded. He couldn’t hold himself up for long, he fell back into the pillows, letting Negan take over.

What was life before this?

It was less complicated, maybe sweeter. Rick wasn’t sure anymore. There was before Negan and there was after and living in the latter was like some out of body experience.

Negan’s affections hit him with the strength of an oncoming train, but Rick did have some say in it. He did decide to lay on the tracks.

He wasn’t sure what to make of that, though at this point and time, he couldn’t think. He didn’t want to think. He wanted to feel, he wanted to live. Colors were so much more vibrant now, his hands clung to the sheets as he struggled to stay still. Negan’s arms keeping him in place.

And before he hit his climax, they were startled by knocking on the door.  It suddenly all came down at him at once.

“Rick. Hey. You in there? It’s Shane. I uh—you okay?”

He must have heard enough to warrant him asking that question. Negan stopped, looking every bit as stunned as Rick, until he suddenly wasn’t. A huge grin spread on his face. The hugest grin Rick had ever seen in his life.

Rick swallowed his spit, but immediately regretted it because his mouth was so dry. “Yeah. I—give me one moment.” He realized how ridiculous and suspicious he must have sounded.

Negan moved in closer, still smiling, his lips were so close they were almost touching Rick’s ear, sending shivers down his spine. “You didn’t come. You still want to,” he whispered. Rick licked his lips. What a selfish thought hit his head. Before Negan—never in a million years…

He rubbed his hands up and down his forearms, Negan took that as a cue to get back into position. This time he was careful, moving slowly, it’d have to be slow but Rick knew it didn’t need to take much. Rick started jerking himself off as he did it, a smile spreading as he was up in the clouds again.

“I like that,” Negan mouthed devilishly, nodding his head up and down. The blood started traveling back to his cheeks, beads of sweat forming at his temples.

“Hey buddy what are you doing,” Shane nervously laughed.

“I mmm,” Rick shuddered, Negan grabbed his hand and started sucking at his fingers, his tongue dipping in the space between two of his digits. “I-I uhh…mmm…I’m working out.” Rick tried to hold in his laughter and smacked Negan alongside his head. Negan grabbed his hand and lovingly kissed his palm this time.

“Oh. You insecure then?”

“Yeah. Real insecure,” Rick wrinkled his nose, he was getting close already. He fell back again, his knees starting to tremble. Negan took over jerking him off, timing his strokes with his thrusts like some god damned musician.

Negan licked his lips, and closed his eyes. Unbeknownst to himself, he mouthed the words. “God I love you.”

Rick read his lips, wondering if he read wrong. But he didn’t need to think about it, he was coming and it hit him so sweet and so slow, spreading through him, rendering him helpless to his own body’s movements. His legs hugged Negan’s torso, the both of them falling to their sides.

Negan pulled him close, lazily kissing him as they rode it out together. Rick’s arms went up his back, annoyed now with the fabric of that stupid jacket. He pushed it off him so he could at least get his hands under his white t shirt. Skin, on skin, now that was nice.

Rick couldn’t help himself, he was smiling into their kiss, both of them rubbing their noses against one another. Marveling in the fact they were breathing the same air, sharing the same space together.

“Look when you finish tell me what exercises you were doing and I’ll tell you what you did wrong. I’ll be in the living room. Brother, you hear me?”

“Yeah, I’ll be right out.” Rick could hear Shane’s footsteps grow further away. “I’m such an asshole,” Rick sighed out.

“Should I take the blame for that too,” Negan said softly, his eyes focusing on Rick’s bright blues. He traced his finger down his nose, then ran it across Rick’s lower lip. Rick caught his finger and sucked on it. Negan watched with an intense fascination, his tongue peeking out from in between his lips, eyeing him hungrily. “Wow. You are horny.”

Rick tilted his head sideways and nodded, “But that doesn’t matter. I gotta talk to him.”

“No. Please.”

“He came first,” Rick got up and started putting on his pants again. “Unless you find a time machine somewhere, he’s always gonna come first. I owe him that much.”

He cleans up and gets dressed and leaves the room without looking back at Negan. He figured he probably crushed him.

Shane was lingering at the end of the hall, broad shoulders and thin legs, his hands on his waist as he watched the tv.

“Hey uh—“ Rick stands awkwardly and settles for leaning against the wall. Shane approaches him, looking concerned although he probably didn’t intend for it to be that obvious.

“You bastard. Working out? I know that look.”

“Huh,” Rick tried to fix his hair, his mouth gaping nervously.

“I ain’t stupid. I get it, we all need our solo time. Sorry for interrupting.”

“Pfft.”

Shane laughed even harder, rubbing his shoulder, then turning back to the tv. “So where’s Negan? Your daddy said he was somewhere around, but he’s nowhere to be found. Don’t tell me your dad is going funny in the head.”

Rick’s mouth went dry, raising his eyebrows, and diverting his gaze from Shane. “Well uh—Negan. He’s hard to keep tabs on. The bastard snuck out the back.”

“The dog could smell me coming after him. Tail between his legs or what?”

“I told him to shut up, honest,” Rick plead. “We have fun. But it’s stupid fun. You probably think I’m making some bad choices”

“You’re right, son,” Shane said softly. “Why go out with him when you can be with me, huh? We’ve had some good times, yeah?”

Rick blinked, his eyes locking with Shane’s deep brown soulful eyes. Lots of years of longing is what they were. He half wondered if Shane ever had an inkling, but Rick tucked that thought so far back so it wouldn’t resurface. He didn’t need that shit, not now.

“Yeah. Yeah,” Rick nodded, biting at his lower lip.

“These past couple of days feel a whole lot like hell, buddy. And I’m sorry about stirring the pot, it was fun but it wasn’t worth making you angry. You’re not looking like your same self and hell—neither am I. Come out with me? I’m racing tonight, I want you at the sidelines. You could have my back when Andrea bitches me out.”

“That’s a lot to ask,” smirked Rick. “That wasn’t much of an apology.”

“It’s about as genuine as I can get, “Shane rubbed his head and tilted it sideways, licking his lower lip. “You drive a hard bargain.”

“I’m too tired to go.”

Shane moved in closer, his voice just barely above a whisper, “Lori’s in the living room with your dad.”

Rick wasn’t sure if he should believe him, he walked a couple steps and looked around the corner to see her sitting on the couch with her hands on her lap. Next to her, his dad. The both of them sitting on the couch. The same couch where he and Negan had fucked.

He got a sick feeling at the pit of his stomach, the acid rising so far up that he felt it in his throat.

Like some coward he left her high and dry the second he got scared. And she cared enough to keep trying even though he gave her every reason not to.

Negan did say Lucille was his Lori. And, God, Rick didn’t want that door to close.

“I think you have the girl hooked if I can so say myself,” Shane stated, crossing his arms.

With his back up against the side of the bed facing away from the door, Negan sat on the floor, laughing to himself. But it didn’t feel the same as it usually did, it always came so natural to him but instead it felt like a reflex, his belly twinging. A noise came out of him coming straight from his diaphragm, he couldn’t breathe and he tried to laugh, there was nothing there. He covered his mouth and shut his eyes, his heart aching so hard, clenching his jaw and dropping his head, clutching his knees so they were pulled close to him.

Being the dark secret suddenly didn’t feel so good anymore. He could hear their murmurs in the other room, the tv turned down. They were laughing, chatting like he wasn’t even there.

All of a sudden he was filled with rage, he started going through Rick’s things, causing disorder in all the order simply because he could. Sure enough at the bottom of one of his drawers he found a recent photograph, both Rick and Shane, Shane with his arm around with Rick. They were holding rifles, smiling widely, radiating happiness.

He couldn’t stare at it for long, tears beginning to form in his eyes. Blinking the wetness away he struggled to breathe, trying to think. He needed to go. He pulled out Rick’s letterman jacket and put it on before opening the window, sneaking out into the darkness.

After walking long enough and jumping a couple of fences he ended up at a diner. He ordered a piece of apple pie from a sweet enough looking girl. That was the thing though, most girls were sweet enough looking. His eyes followed her as she went from customer to customer.

“Honey. Hey doll,” Negan called to her, capturing her attention as she stood near his table. He was solemnly looking down at his pie, stabbing at the crust with his fork. “How do you just do it?”

“How do I what?”

“This job.”

“Oh. I get by,” she noticed how sad he looked, she tried to warmly smile at him but she wasn’t feeling so great herself. “I can bring you some milk.”

“I’m alright.”

“It’s on the house.”

“I must look pretty funny to you, huh? I should be boozing but I order myself a piece of pie and now I’m getting a glass of milk.”

“It’s better dealing with your problems sober than drunk,” she nodded. “Let me get you that milk.”

He watched her leave, a little bit relieved with himself that he took the time to appreciate her shapely ass as she walked away. It took another bite of pie for him to really taste it, he closed his eyes and savored the taste, the thickness of the filling on his tongue, the sugar sweetness on his taste buds. He chewed and swallowed and looked at the furthest corner of the restaurant.

There was a man on the phone, his hat covering his weary looking face. He hung up and walked away. Negan felt around in his pocket for a coin, eventually finding what he was looking for.


	7. Chasing the Devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys, wow, I took forever. It felt like forever. But that's a ok. I come back with a whole conclusion to the cute little fic. Thank you for sticking around and being patient. You are the best.

_Who is this? Hey. I can hear you fucking breathing. I know it’s you. Damnit. I knew each time It was you. Every time the phone rang it was you and then it just stopped. Where you’ve been? Huh? Answer me. Damnit. Negan. Say something._

Click.

Negan’s mouth was dry. He saw the glass of milk was on his table now. He took a gulp as soon as he sat down. After scarfing down his pie he sat up straight, his hand nervously tapping on his table. He crossed his legs, uncrossed them then pulled out his wallet. He grabbed some cash and walked towards the waitress.

“Hey sugar can you help a man out and tell me what all the kids are doing today? I need a distraction.”

She sighed, thinking to herself as she put the money in the register. “Well I know where some buddies of mine are headed.”

\--------

The heart always wants the impossible. The agony never relents. Even when things were simple, they weren’t. It was all coming into light now like the sheath being removed from his eyes. He was at a party being held in Jesus’ house. The music was roaring, people were dancing. But Rick was miles away, Shane was effortlessly popping the bottle cap off a bottle of coke, handing it to him.

He took it, his eyes focusing on the bead of water dripping down along the side and down his wrist.

It was all coming back to him now. All the careful planning. He had his life mapped out for himself, Negan had no place in any of that. 

He took a gulp from his bottle, then wiped his mouth thinking of how Negan must have felt.  Despite it seeming impossible, Negan had feelings too. It was just too easy to forget.

The second he saw his bedroom looking like a tornado swept through, he knew what had happened. The window was left wide open, the curtain flowing with the wind.

Rick blinked, trying to focus on the party. It didn’t do him any good, really. Every time he looked at Shane he thought of the photo of them both Negan had probably found. Negan’s leather jacket was thrown to the side of the bed where it had been left before, so obviously he’d come back…eventually.

There was a lot on his mind, he’d prefer to be drinking a bottle of booze instead. He got up and started going towards the kitchen, he walked right by Lori who was being thrown up in the air in the middle of a dance with some other guy. Rick didn’t mind, she looked happy.

The fridge was full of cokes, but there were people toting beers around. Rick was confused, but was surprised when Jesus handed him just what he was looking for.

“You alright there, fella,” Jesus smiled warmly.

Rick gave him a thankful nod, using the edge of the counter to pop off the cap. “Don’t I look like I’m having fun?”

“Are you kidding? Daryl’s having a better time than you.”

“Huh?”

Jesus pointed behind him and there was Daryl standing to the side of the room, his hands tucked into his pockets, nodding and watching the dancing. “I told him a little bit of socializing will do him some good. I was rethinking that idea until I saw him doing whatever that is.” Rick noticed the way Jesus watched him, his eyes bright, the corner of his lips turning upwards, not the usual mischievous smirk, something much more.

“I’m here for Shane.”

“Thought you couldn’t get enough of that Negan guy. You looked like you were having a hell of a lot more fun with him,” Jesus gave him a knowing look, then took a sip out of his own drink. “But that’s just me.”

“He’s leaving town soon.”

“So you thought you’d make it easier on yourself to avoid him altogether? Tsk. Tsk. That’s something I’d do.”

“I’m not sure you know what I’m talking about.”

“You did see me at Daryl’s parlor right? Don’t play stupid. You caught me in a lie, and I’m returning the favor,” Jesus grinned, as he moved in closer and pat Rick’s shoulder.

Rick swallowed nervously, appearing to be ashamed of himself all of a sudden, “Is it obvious?” He asked, his voice low.

“Course not. I just know things.”

“I’m not perceptive like you. Daryl told me. He had no one else to tell. And we’re about as close as brothers since I ran his piece of shit father out of town back in high school.”

“A sawed off shotgun right,” Jesus beamed.

“Damn right,” Rick laughed, looking down at the ground bashfully. “Don’t be angry at Daryl. He was drunk. He wanted to vent. It was a lot for him to process. I’m in no position to judge. Dad always told me, eyes on the ground, mind my own business.”

“You’re one in a million. I don’t think you fully comprehend that yet. But you’ll probably know eventually. There’s a lot of good in your heart. It isn’t a bad thing. It’s strength of character.”

“Shit. Don’t butter me up. You’re probably wondering what exactly Daryl said,” Rick laughed.

Jesus leaned back and crossed his arms, pursing his lips. “Wasn’t my intention but now I’m curious.”

“He said he’s your sweetheart. That’s just how he said it,” Rick cocked an eyebrow. Jesus dropped his head, his cheeks flushing.

“Sweetheart?”

“He’s excited. He’s happy. He’s in love. Never seen him this happy for a long time. Makes me realize just how much I want that.”

“It’s really something.”

“And how do you,” Rick stared at Lori, the song had stopped and she was out of breath, back on her feet. The guy she was with bowed to her and held her hand, she started giggling. Rick eventually found his breath again to continue speaking “How do you know its love?”

“People always say the same things right? Elevated heartbeat, euphoria, but no one seems to talk about the sense of calm. The way it feels so easy, so effortless. There isn’t a struggle and there isn’t an explanation why it works. It just is. Stressing over the meaning of things isn’t a way to live. Let it happen. It’ll happen soon enough, if it hasn’t already.”

“I’m at a fork in the road, here.”

“Are we still talking about love?”

“I’m talking about everything,” Rick ran his hands through his hair and sighed, “I thought I knew what I wanted but now I’m not so sure.”

“If we’re talking that, I’m just as lost as you Rick. I think everyone in this place is on the same boat. But hey—at least you know you’re not alone.”

_Alone._

Rick felt alone now, even with company. He was surrounded by people, talking to someone as pleasant and intelligent as Jesus, yet he didn’t feel that sense of calm Jesus mentioned earlier. Not since he was in his bed with Negan, laughing at nothing in particular, eyes locked on one another. His heart ached all of a sudden, the sickening feeling came at him ten times harder.

And there was the truth. It hit him like a blow to the stomach.

He fell for Negan. And he felt it as deep as his bones. The longing, that bittersweet taste in the back of his throat. He was queasy and a little bit embarrassed. Of all the people.

“You don’t look so good,” Jesus looked at him with concerned eyes, rubbing circles on his back.

“I think I’m—“ Rick gagged, then ran. He shoved some people out of the way and puked all over the rose bushes in the backyard. He kept vomiting and vomiting until he was dry heaving and nothing but acid came out.  

When he finished he felt so embarrassed he walked as far as his feet could take him, at least far enough that he could still walk back. But he couldn’t handle having to explain himself to anyone. He’d hardly drank. And not even he knew the root of his sickness.

Strangely enough it wasn’t the big epiphany that made him feel like this. Everything that happened in his bed felt like a dream, so fucking far away that he knew perfectly well that he’d never find it again. Maybe it was that fact that hurt him so bad. This party, these people, all these obligations, they didn’t mean squat when he was with Negan.

It was just them.

Rick and Negan.

So simple. Rick wiped his lip with his sleeve, teetering on his feet, eventually leaning against a tree, letting himself slide down to sit on the ground. The music sounded so distant, the laughter miles away. Rick started to cry, covering his eyes with his hands as he shuddered with each whimper that escaped his mouth. He set himself up for this. He knew what could have happened but shit—Negan was so unlikeable…so unlikeable that he somehow became likeable. It was so damn irritating and he was so damn endearing.

How could Rick ever convince himself that anyone else would ever look at him the same way Negan did? There were no guarantees.

_We could run away. You could run with me. No one could even catch us._

Negan’s deep gravelly voice filled his head. They were just words. But Rick easily got caught up in them. In that dream. Greedily wanting more when he knew perfectly well how much he could lose if he left this town behind.

_You’re an idiot._

Rick remembered himself saying. Negan’s eyes drooped, his mouth curving into the world’s saddest smile.

_I didn’t want to kick myself in the ass for not having asked. It was worth a try._

“Rick.”

A small, concerned voice called out to him. Rick turned to see Lori standing underneath the moonlight, wearing Shane’s letterman, her arms still crossed from how chilly it was.

“I’m fine,” Rick wiped his mouth, his eyes so red she could see them from where she was.

She tilted her head sideways, kicking at the dirt with her shoe. “C’mon baby. I think we need to talk.”

\---------

Negan stood in the middle of the dirt road. He caught a ride in the back of a truck by some good samaritan that was headed in this direction.  He lit a cigarette as he lingered near a fence, contemplating whether or not he should go ahead with his plan. It was stupid. Really stupid. So stupid he kept stopping dead in his tracks, bending over and laughing.

After he finished his cig, he threw it to the ground, stomping at it underneath his foot. Looks like the coast was clear, no lights were on. He was lucky he even found the place. He jumped the fence and struggled when Rick’s letterman got caught on it. He was hanging there trying to get the wire out of it, cursing to himself for fucking that up too. With a rip, he fell on his ass, the sleeve now nearly torn off.

“Oh fuck. Shit,” Negan moaned. He didn’t mean to do that. For some reason he felt like he was really pushing it. Hell maybe this was a bad omen. But Negan wasn’t all that superstitious. He just assessed the damage and accepted it.  

After wrapping Rick’s letterman around his arm he punched through a window that shattered. It was only afterwards that he realized it was already open a crack. He got inside and went through the keys that were thrown in a coffee can. There was one marked with the name he was looking for that he now held in his hands.

Back out into the cold summer night, it didn’t take long for Negan to find what he was looking for.

 _Shit, daddy you’re always stirring up trouble aren’t you?_ Negan thought to himself as he smirked, rubbing his mouth as he eyed up the downright delicious car. Now he’d have it rocking for an entirely different reason.

\------------

“I’m very pushy. I admit it I’m a pushy girl,” Lori smiled, her eyes searching for Rick’s. She sat next to him, her shoulder pressed against his the both of them leaning against the tree. “And well you’re shy.”

“I’m not,” Rick sighed. “I felt pressure.” He saw Lori’s gaze fall. It was difficult to explain to her. In all the times he’d blank out and daydream about her, he never thought it’d ever come into fruition. That she’d be right there wanting the same things he’d been wanting. In all those imagined scenarios he never thought he’d stall, that he’d drop her off at her home with a broken heart.

He wasn’t that kind of guy.

“I’m sorry. I just need to know—“

“Y-You didn’t pressure me. I pressured myself,” Rick struggled to reassure her. He knew it wasn’t coming out right, she shouldn’t feel at fault at all. It wasn’t her fault he was all messed up inside. That he was so scared he’d choose to fuck a total stranger instead of finding it in himself to be the man Lori wanted him to be.

“That’s fine but let me finish,” she placed her hand on his knee, squeezing it. Her eyes looking straight into his. “Do you really want this? Do you not like me or do you want to wait until marriage? I feel like I need to know.”

“Not like you?”

In what universe would someone not like Lori? Everyone liked Lori. She was so kind and thoughtful. She’d arrange food drives, was always involved in anything the town organized, one time she raised enough money to repair the roof for their deteriorating church despite not being a practicing Christian herself.

“Yeah,” she smiled warmly. “I’ve been turned down before. It ain’t easy. I want to know before I let it happen.”

“Let what happen,” Rick laughed.

“Before I fall for you Rick Grimes. Before I start daydreaming about our wedding. Girls don’t have much to do but dream,” she said, her eyes looking far off, “Not a lot else to do.”

“Hey, cats,” Jesus came out from the direction of the party, waving his hands. Daryl was not too far behind him, walking a much slower pace, head down and hands in his pockets. “Don’t want to leave you in the dust, everyone’s headed to the races. You can ride with us.”

“Guess this conversation will have to wait,” Lori said cheerfully as she got up. She offered Rick her hand, he stared at it for a second, hesitating. “Let’s go. Heavens, I don’t got forever.”

Rick blinked and held her hand, letting her help pull him up off the ground.

At the sidelines everyone was standing at the side of the road in a desolate area outside of town. Cars were parked to the sides, headlights on. Rick had been to these a couple of times. He didn’t like the noise. He mostly didn’t like the danger people had willingly put themselves in, especially Shane.

Although, Shane was good, he was actually pretty great. He looked even better in his drivers getup. He threw on a beige cargo jacket, and was wearing leather gloves. After jumping around and doing some ritual with the rest of his friends that involved singing loudly and stomping their feet, he looked straight at Rick. Their eyes locked, Rick smiled, Shane grinned and pointed at him.

Sickeningly handsome and confident, well that was Shane. Everyone’s eyes were on him, all of the girls with stars in their eyes, each of them unknowingly soon to be on Shane’s long list of conquests.

Brutish and stupid, were adjectives that also applied to him. Rick couldn’t help feeling worried. He skipped out on these things for a reason. The road was dangerous, kids had crashed and died before, probably doing the same thing Shane was doing.  Chasing that thrill.

It got nobody anywhere.

Shane roared his engine, then got back out of his car. “We all know why we’re out here. I ain’t the kind of guy to beat around the bush here so who wants to battle it out with a winner, huh? We fucking know what it’s all about fellas, right? Proving a point. Showing just how big our dicks are. Looks like so far my dick’s the biggest. Anyone stupid enough to wreck their hot rod trying to prove their dick is bigger than mine?”

One guy emerged from the crowd, he slid into his hot rod, about to drive up next to him when another vehicle came up from behind cutting him off, honking the horn over and over, the headlights so bright it was nearly blinding everyone.

Rick shielded his eyes, squinting.

“Well fuck-a-doodle-doo! Look at the crowd here!”

Rick knew that voice. The door slammed and out came a figure he recognized far too well. His silhouette standing in front of the headlights.

“Oh ho ho. You really know how to make an entrance, huh?” Shane cursed.

“I saw you in the limelight, thought I’d steal the attention from you. I heard something about dicks and I swear to god, it’s like summoning the god damned bloody mary. You say dick three times and I’m fucking there. “

Sure enough Rick knew what he was up to. He was driving around Andrea’s hot rod and right as he was going to turn around and look for Daryl, he realized him and Jesus were gone. No big surprise there.

“Negan,” Rick emerged from the side of the road walking straight to him. Negan cut him off.

“No sir. Nu uh. You don’t get to talk to me. Not anymore,” he growled right into Rick’s face.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Rick said flatly, “We can talk about it,” he said even lower. Negan’s eyes softened for a second from having Rick so close again, those good memories flashing in his head.

“I’m fed up with him having the final say,” Negan hissed.

“If you hate it so much you can leave like a man and end it at that,” Rick puffed out his chest, standing tall despite being a couple inches shorter than Negan.

“Let the boy make his own decisions. If he wants his ass whooped, let him,” Shane pushed in between them.

Seeing Rick standing beside Shane, Shane’s arm grabbing at his shoulder with an intimacy Negan knew he’d never have with Rick, filled him with so much rage. He wanted to lash out him but at this point knew he’d lose, he’d be knocked down and Shane and his friends would take turns kicking him. Rick just watching from the sidelines like the spineless motherfucker he was.

When he was expecting to see a self-satisfied look on Rick’s face, he was surprised to see that familiar look of concern he’d seen before. A look that told him to step back, really assess the situation. There was no winning this but Negan couldn’t conceive any other way to prove his manhood.

It wasn’t for Rick anymore.

“You’re both gonna end up getting yourselves killed,” Rick pulled away from Shane. “Do whatever you want. I’m not stopping you.”

The second Rick moved away Shane grabbed Negan by the collar and threw him against the car. Negan slammed against it so hard the breath was knocked out from his lungs.

“If you wanted a fight you could have asked,” Negan grinned. Shane smirked too, cocking an eyebrow.

“What’ll you say boy, you got it in you?”

“To race? I’m as ready as you are.”

“In case you forget, I know these roads better than you do. I’m giving you a last chance before you get humiliated and we run you the fuck out of town.”

“I’ll take my chances you greasy fuck.”

There was always something about being in the driver’s seat, even if it didn’t belong to him. He had a real rod before, he just had to leave it behind but it’s memory stuck to him. That first time that engine roared, that first race he lost but still completed in one piece. He felt that fire burning through him as he clutched the steering wheel.

He looked to the side. Too many times before then he could remember Lucille standing, cheering him on. This crowd of teens was large and unrecognizable, it scared him for a brief moment until he saw Rick there leaning against a truck. He could still smell him and taste him, their last tryst lingered heavy on him. He found himself tapping that rhythm, their hearts pounding together, their mouths moving against one another, that friction, that heat.

_Oh fuck._

Rick tried his hardest not to look concerned, he wanted to give off an air apathy, looking everywhere but that spectacle before him. But Negan knew him better. He cared. And if that was the one victory he could claim, he’d die a happy man.

A girl was standing in between cars holding a pair of silk panties in her hands. Shane started shouting and everyone was cheering, even Negan found himself chuckling.

“Ready,” she shouted at the top of her lungs, “Go!” She waved her panties and off the two of them went.

The road seemed easy enough, neck at neck their cars were besides each other. Shane kept swerving, playing a game of chicken with Negan. The guy was fucking crazy. Negan’s eyes kept on locking with Shane’s wild ones. Negan bit on his lip and hit the gas, with more speed it was harder to keep it straight but he persevered. He thanked his own luck that he was wearing his leather gloves because his palms were sweating.

Further he went the darker it got, the area more desolate. No more lights lit the road, no houses, nothing, just trees and moonlight.

Negan tried to focus on what was ahead of him. It was getting so dark, he looked next to him to see Shane was gone, he had turned the corner, Negan followed suit just narrowly missing a tree that came into view. They were still on a road but no pavement just dirt and potholes. Negan was bouncing around, clutching at the door with one hand, the other still on the steering wheel.

The dirt road was getting narrower and narrower, the trees getting closer, too close for comfort. Negan’ started hitting tree branches. Beside him he could hear Shane revving his engine, ready to cut him off. For fuck’s sake, he sure as hell wouldn’t let him. Negan swerved his car against his opponent’s, giving Shane a fright.

 _Asshole didn’t think he had it in him did he?_ The look of surprise faded just as fast as it came. He saw Shane roaring in laughter.  Falling behind letting Negan cut ahead. Negan was confused, his heart racing, breathing heavily. He looked at his rear-view mirror to see the car had disappeared.

Did Shane cut out his headlights or did he simply disappear?

Negan trudged on ahead, hoping to find his way back. If Shane was right about something, was that he had no fucking idea where he was going. There was no other place he could go than forward, the branches closing in on him. After some distance he started feeling less claustrophobic. The road was bumpy and at this speed it was important to keep both hands on the steering wheel. He was starting to realize how stupid he was, how he wanted to see Rick at the other end. But how they hell could he find him when he didn’t know how to find the finish line?

A couple more meters and he would soon be back on a paved road, he breathed out in relief when he suddenly heard the rustling of leaves beside him. And from above him came Shane’s hot rod.

“Oh fucking hells to the fucking bells. Oh fuck,” Negan slammed on the brakes so hard he fell forward and his face crashed against the wheel, blood streaming out of his nose. Just as he collided, Shane’s car landed, his car surprisingly still in one piece. Negan looked behind him to see a path Shane must have taken. The madman was crazy enough to go off the ramp.

Negan found himself grinning ear to ear. He cranked on the radio and hit that gas again. Shane was still up ahead, struggling to keep control of the car.

“C’mon. C’mon. C’mon.” Negan muttered like a mantra, as he started tapping on the steering wheel, praying that Shane would fail and drive off the road and crash into something, anything. The lucky bastard gained control again, but at this point Negan was right at his ass. “I’ll give you what no one’s been brave enough to give you, you dumb fuck,” Negan cursed, his bumper smashing against Shane’s. He did it again. Again. And again. He could see Shane was struggling to keep on route.  Still he went faster, side to side the car went.

Negan could feel his heart about ready to explode. He watched on in anticipation, still hoping for what seemed inevitable. The distance between his bumper and Shane’s started to grow until the reach of Negan’s headlights couldn’t spot just where Shane’s car was.

“What the hell? Again with the headlight trick you bastard,” Negan shouted out the window, sticking his head out hoping to make out the outline of Shane’s hot rod. Nothing. Heavy clouds had obscured the full moon so everything was pitch black. He couldn’t see much but a couple of feet in front of him. It was downright frightening not knowing where he was headed. Here he was driving alone into the unknown.

It gave him some time to think about what to do next. He wiped the sweat off his forehead, paranoia giving way as he kept looking side to side and ahead, hoping to see Shane’s car junked to the side of the road but still nothing. Negan blinked, took a deep breath and then closed his eyes.

Shane bounced up and down in his car, he hung his head out and looked behind him. He squinted and couldn’t see anything anymore. He sat back down in his seat, adjusting the rearview window, half expecting Negan to eventually come into view.  With each passing second, he felt himself growing calmer, more certain the race was won and Negan go lost or something.

No doubt he was never going to hear the end of it from Rick’s end. But he was fine with that. He had proved himself once and for all. Negan was a shit eating loser who threw on a leather jacket without having any real bite. Shane laughed to himself, satisfied.  Back on track he could see the lights coming from the kids waiting to see who’d pass the finish line. He was ready to pop a few beers, let himself get crazy, all he had to do was turn the corner and—

From out of nowhere he saw headlights right at his ass, smashing right into him with so much force that he realized Negan had been hitting the gas the whole time. There was not enough time to go back now because there was nowhere else he was going but straight into a ditch. He braced himself, both hands on the steering wheel and skid right pass a tree, the tree scratching alongside his new car, wrecking it.

Negan roared in victory, jumping up and down in his seat, honking the horn again and again. From behind him he heard a vehicle approaching. Sure enough it was Andrea on a motorcycle, clinging onto her gal pal.

They gained enough speed to be driving alongside Negan.

“If you know what’s good for you, you get out of my car you junkie,” growled Andrea.

Negan just laughed and whistled. “Honey, there’s not a scratch on your sweet little ride. Nothing to get your panties in a twist. That is if you’re wearing some this time—“

“Hey,” Andrea said, her eyes wide, the motorcycle slowing down. “Watch out!”

“What,” Negan looked back at them confused, then up ahead. There was a cow crossing the street, seemingly confused. Negan steered clear of the poor animal but drove off the road, meeting the same fate as Shane.

Everything went black, until he opened his eyes. He could smell smoke and oil, the radio playing in the distance. Blinking a couple of times he felt the world moving without him having any say. He looked downwards to see a blonde woman pulling him by the leg up the hill and back onto the road but she was struggling. Her friend was screaming at her.

“Calm down,” she said.

“Calm down? I take my car to the shop and this bastard thinks he can get away with wrecking it. I’ll kill him. I don’t care. I’ll kill him.”

She kept pulling at his leg but his boot popped off sending Andrea to the ground. She cursed and started kicking at him until she hit him right at the ballsack. That woke him up. He screamed and folded into the fetal position, tears forming in his eyes as the waves of pain shook him.

“Woman. God damnit,” he whined, face first in the grass, dirt, tears and blood in his mouth.

Negan wasn’t sure how from one second it went from him and two other people to a whole crowd of teens surrounding him assessing the damage. He got up thanks to Andrea’s friend holding her back. And got back on the road. The cow was still there unfazed, standing in the middle of the road. Negan looked at it confused, then at everyone else.

“Hey it should be more thankful I didn’t turn it into ground meat,” he chuckled to himself but no one was laughing. “Icy cold. I get it. Geez,” he raised his hands in defeat.

At the corner Shane turned he could make out some figures.  He swore he saw Rick’s truck parked there. Lori and Rick were helping Shane walk and it was about the most defeating thing he had ever seen in his life. He stayed frozen, his stomach in knots. They got him inside, Lori getting in with Shane. Rick closed their door and made a beeline straight towards Negan.

The truth was at that point Negan had nowhere to go so he prepared himself for whatever Rick was about to say. And by god the closer he got into view, the more the details came to life. Nausea and euphoria were two contrasting forces that mixed around inside of him. He ached, and Rick looked pissed, more pissed he’d seen him before. His eyes wide and red, swelling with tears.

“Why,” he tilted his head, looking Negan straight in the eyes.

For once he was silent. He couldn’t find the words, and found himself stuttering, “I-It’s just a game. Just fun and shit.”

“Fun? He told me what you did to him.”

“Did he tell you what he did to me? Again and again and fucking again cause it just seems like you’re just hearing his side of the story.”

“I don’t care about your side of the story. You’re not the one who is hurt.”

Negan swallowed, his eyes growing wide and glossy. Hurt? Yeah he sure as hell fucking was. His lower lip trembled, he felt himself shrinking, Rick somehow looming over him.

“You don’t think. You never think,” Rick continued, practically spitting at him.

“Things are never going to be okay again are they,” Negan said softly, speaking his thoughts out loud.

“Hitch a ride. Get your shit together. And tomorrow morning you are gone,” Rick grunted, turning and walking away.

Negan thought he was underneath the spotlight but when he zoned back to reality, he saw everyone was looking elsewhere. An old man in overalls emerged from the woods, relieved and confused at what was ahead of him.

“Was looking for my god damned cow. Atta girl, there’s my Betsy. But why in the hell are all you kids doing out here past your bedtime,” he groaned. He got his cow and led her back to his land. “If you brats know what’s good for ya, y’all best off leaving cause I’m calling the cops as soon as I get home.”

Everyone dispersed, getting in their cars and driving off. Negan ran his hand through his hair and sighed. He looked around to see both Jesus and Daryl approaching him.

“You god damned waste of air,” Daryl sighed out, glaring at him, disappointed, but not nearly as angry as he should have been.

Jesus looked at the both of them, with his hands resting on his hips, keys in his hands. He motioned for Negan to follow them, “C’mon I’ll get you home.”

\-------------

It was the early morning hours by the time Rick saw Shane again, emerging from the examination room in the hospital. His face was all stitched up, his arm in a sling but he seemed to be in good enough spirits the second Rick caught his eye. His dark browns always twinkled, there was never a single time when they weren’t that way when they were on him.

“You should be looking worse,” Rick finally spoke, sitting across from him at a diner. In front of the both of them were two cups of coffee. Shane had pancakes, Rick had a lone biscuit with jelly. Admittedly Rick wasn’t all that hungry.

“Is this your twisted way of saying I look good?”

Rick swallowed, then smirked. “You crashed right near where Jimmy Jr. died. “

“Shit. Yeah. The flowers were still there.”

“His mom changes them every chance she gets,” Rick dropped his gaze to his hands, so did Shane.

“It ain’t your fault. It was my choice. I let that Negan boy drive me up the wall. It was all me.”

“If he hadn’t stayed longer. If I hadn’t been kind to him…”

“Too many if’s there buddy,” Shane tried to reassure Rick but it didn’t seem to work.

“I know half of you did it for me, the other half for yourself. I know all that but—I can’t wash my hands of this.”

“You’re the sweet one. That’s fine. As long as he’s out of town we’re back on square one.“

“Things got complicated for a reason,” Rick’s eyes grew intense, his voice so stern that it immediately shut up. Shane knew when he looked like this he better shut his trap. After taking a sip of his coffee, Rick sighed, then ran his hands through his disheveled hair. “I think I need to take a bath.” He mused out loud.

“Are you gonna say something cause it sure as hell sounded like you were going to follow up that sentence with something other than that.”

“I am yeah. I tried to find a hundred different ways to avoid telling you but it just ain’t in me. Just isn’t me. The point is I’m just as bad as the rest of you. I got my own vices. I’m not some boy next door, so good, like some cardboard cut-out. I’m scared and well—I make mistakes, even if I don’t really regret them. That’s probably the worst part,” Rick couldn’t help smiling, Shane was just watching him confused.

“You and Lori?”

“No,” Rick shrugged, then looked beside him and back at Shane. “Me and Negan.”

“You and Negan what?”

How fucking naïve of Shane. If he only knew.  Him and the rest of the god damned country liked to close their eyes to this, it probably lead to more problems than they’d ever know. Living silently in the shadows, secrets manifesting into god knows what. Rick didn’t want to be that kind of man. The point was Shane was the one person he trusted with his life. He loved the guy with all his heart. That kind of love could transcend anything.

“We did the kind of things lovers do.”

It took some time for Shane to process, for it to finally make sense in that brain of his. Rick kissed Negan. Negan kissed back. They did what all the teens did, and well—they did it a lot.

“You uh—“ his voice had gone, his eyes were blinking rapidly before he was able to look at Rick again. “W-why?”

“Why does anyone do that sort of thing,” Rick stated, shrugging again, deadpan. “It happened.”

“That shit just don’t happen.”

“You’d be surprised,” Rick took another drink of his coffee, nonchalantly. He felt better already.

“Lori was just right there for the taking.”

“I know. She tried  and I got scared so I went with the next option. Stupid. Yeah. It just is, yeah?”

“You lied,” Shane licked his lips, looking hurt which was something Rick hadn’t been expecting.

“I did. I always hated that. But it was cause I was worried you’d say something. Make me feel ashamed and fuck, what good did that do? I felt bad anyway. Looking at you now I’d say you’re finally looking pretty awful.” Rick smiled, his eyes glossing over, blinking away the tears that were forming. “I’m sorry.”

“Well—shit. I don’t ask questions. I don’t need to. I don’t get it but if you say it is what it is, I can accept that as long as I ask you one thing. It’s been on my mind for a long while, but I’d never say it because we always had this silent agreement we’d never break. But I got to do this for me.”

“Alright. I’m ready.”

“This is an ultimatum, brother. Everything before now, we’re just throwing that in the trash pile. It’s only this moment on, now.”

“Okay. Get on with it.”

“With or without you I’m going to the academy. I was waiting. I know I shouldn’t act like I have a say in your life and I know I’ve been overstepping my bounds. I know to step back but I don’t want to wait. You can figure out what you want. It’s always been me and you, it don’t gotta be though. Not anymore. Are you going with me or not?”

Suddenly everything went silent. It was just him and Shane. It felt like every second he lived led up to this very moment. His mouth went dry, he dropped his head for a moment, then raised his gaze to Shane, who was still very much the same kid he always knew, that fateful day they met, Shane offering him half his sandwich when Rick’s had fallen in the dirt.

His answer had always been there, but fear had gotten in the way. He knew now what he needed to say.

\-----------------

Negan was a guest in Rick’s home. He was now painfully aware of that. The second he walked through that door Rick’s father would grunt at him the continue watching the tv. God that man loved that thing. It felt weird. So weird without Rick.

He didn’t want to use up all the hot water but he was reaching a point of not giving an ever living fuck. The steam engulfed him as he stood underneath the shower, washing all that grease out of his hair, rubbing his hands carefully over the bruises he got from the fights, the car crash or the love bites from Rick. He couldn’t tell the difference anymore, it all fucking hurt.

When he got out wearing just a clean towel he saw a change of clothes neatly folded on a chair right next to the bathroom door. A crisp looking white tshirt and jeans. It was perfectly reasonable to think they were for him so he changed into that instead of his dirty clothes. He was feeling pretty good for a guy who was about to be run out of town. Running his hands through his clean hair, he was surprised to see an older woman putting away clean laundry on Rick’s bed.

“You Rick’s mom or—“ Negan said pointedly. She turned, tucking her hair behind her ear and smiled.

“Looking right at her.”

“Wow. Just wow,” Negan overlooked her a little too eagerly. Now he knew just where Rick inherited those baby blues. “You are just something, huh?”

“Excuse me,” her eyes grew wide.

“Oh it’s nothing. You leave those clothes out there for me?”

“Mhmm. My husband told me you’re working with Rick?”

“Yeah. We are,” it felt like a rehashing of moments that were long left behind in the past. The gaping wound in his heart ached, but he tried to smile through it for the sake of trying not to worry her. She looked like a nice enough lady.

“That Rick. Taking in a stranger, no questions asked. Sometimes a parent worries their child is headed in the wrong direction, from day one until now I’ve never had a doubt that he’ll lead a good path.”

“Yeah good. That sure sounds like Rick.”

“You’re welcome here as long as you’d like.”

“Oh yeah,” Negan tried to blink the tears forming in his eyes. He felt like a kid all over again, never fitting in with any of the other kids. They pushed, well, he fucking pushed back. And here, for a split second, he didn’t feel that. When Shane was out of the picture, when everyone was out of the picture, this nice little house felt like a home. And it was a damn fucking shame Rick wasn’t there because maybe it wouldn’t have felt so bittersweet.

Negan fell asleep on the chair next to the bed, half hoping Rick would come back some time during the night. He didn’t. After a couple hours of shut eye, he eventually woke up. His neck and his back hurt from being in such an uncomfortable position. When he caught himself in the mirror he was surprised at how different he looked without his hair slicked back. He looked less tough and much younger. He rubbed his face and decided that if Rick would eventually show up, he’d have to shove him off the bed if he wanted it so bad.

The next two hours passed blissfully without anyone waking him until someone did.

“Get up we’re going.”

Negan’s eyes shot open, no drowsiness, no hesitation. He was awake and it was one hell of a dose of reality.

Him and Rick rode in the car in complete silence. Negan held onto his stuff, listlessly looking out the window at all the things he’d probably never see again. An ugly gas station. That shitty diner with the really hot waitress. The god damned Twist n’ Crème.

When they stopped at the bus station Negan had coached himself not to look at Rick before he got out. But his damn heart was aching and he wanted something from Rick, anything just to feel better. Rick was distracted, his gaze elsewhere, completely cutting off any connection to him. It was downright cruel.

“Christ. Who fucking died,” Negan heard himself cursing.

Well now Rick was looking in his direction and he was shooting daggers right through his god damned soul.

“You’re lucky I brought you here.”

“That’s just fine and dandy then. Now who do I have to blow?”

“You first made the suggestion.”

“I didn’t ask you to kiss me. I didn’t ask for fuck all.”

“I’m not even beginning to entertain this.”

Negan’s eyes grew intense, his voice growing louder but trembling from just how upset he was. “This isn’t fair. No it sure the fuck isn’t. You don’t got the right to go on and pretend like this never happened. That’s great you got a swell beginning to your fairy tale with Lori. But don’t you forget you’re leaving me behind with a fucking god damned broken heart. Fuck you. Fuck Shane. Fuck this whole stupid town. “ He let himself go too far and now he was beginning to realize he sounded like a complete idiot who lost his mind. All he could do was grab his shit. Get out and slam that door.

At least he was able to do that right.

Huffing and puffing, Negan ended up in the bathroom stall. He rested his back against the wall trying to calm down. He was fine. This was it. He’d have to accept things as they were.

He shook those feelings off and threw on his jacket again. Right as he was going to throw water against his face, in came Rick rushing in. He locked the door and lunged at him. All lips and teeth was that kiss, just the way Negan liked it. How he’d always remember it.

Was he dreaming? Was Rick kissing him right at this moment?

Negan held his face in his hands. He was real. This was fucking real. He relished in it, kissing him back just as forcefully. He could feel Rick’s lips curl into the smallest hint of a smile. God Negan would miss that too.

“You uh—“ Negan shut his eyes trying to find his words again in this euphoric haze, he nodded his head side to side. “You fucking got me, kid. So good. So stupid, good.”

“Are you usually that emotional,” Rick smirked, his lips raw and hanging open, drawing in a deep breath.

“For you? Uh—maybe.”

“This happened Negan,” Rick furrowed his brow on his sweet face, Negan overlooked his expression, just soaking in those small details.

“So why’s it gotta stop then,” Negan said softly, Rick gave him a pleading look.

“You’re a lot of things but you’re not stupid.”

“Yeah I know. Let me be selfish, hey? Just one more for the road?” He sauntered closer, his hands wrapping around Rick’s waist pulling him close.

“C’mon,” Rick’s face grew flushed, his hands gently moving him away. “Once we start there’s no stopping.”

“Really,” Negan’s heart sunk, looking at Rick through dark half lidded eyes. “A no?”

“Yeah. No.”

“Okay,” after swallowing his spit, he stood up straight sizing up the distance that grew between him and Rick again. “You know, I always did the things you were too scared to do. Don’t be so chicken anymore.”

“Really,” Rick stared at the floor, “You caused a hell of a lot of damage.”

“You’ll look back on it with different eyes one day.”

“Those things you did, you did them out of fear. You’re right about one thing. I’m not going to be so afraid anymore.”

It was a lot to swallow. Maybe Rick was right. Negan wasn’t so sure.

“You always gotta be the one to hand out the morality lessons.”

“Shut up and go back. You’ve got Lucille waiting for you.”

“Shit, you’ve got an angel’s face,” Negan reached out, holding Rick’s chin, his thumb barely brushed against the outline of his lower lip.

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“That mouth of yours can send me straight to the sky, rip me apart and then put me back together again.”

“Don’t try to be some poet all of a sudden,” Rick tilted his head sideways, his eyes drawing Negan in.

“No one’s good enough for you. Not me. Not Lori. Definitely not Shane. Hope you find the right one eventually.”

“And what about you?”

“C’mon you know I’ve got her back at home.”

The second he got on the bus he closed his eyes, the sound of the engine rumbling underneath him brought him back. Halfway between here and there. He could see the image of Lucille, the beach, her smile.

\----------

“Can you believe it,” Lori’s voice echoed. Rick was leaning against the doorway, his eyes looking out onto the plush green grass that met with a densely wooded area. He turned around to see Lori twirling down the aisle of a church. Her eyes were bright, she was beaming as she gestured for Rick to come inside. “They said we could hold the wedding here even if we aren’t a part of the congregation. Father Gibbons said I was every bit as Christian as anyone else because I helped gather money to fix the roof.”

“That’s kind of him,” Rick returned the smile, his hand finding hers, their fingers intertwining.

“So is that a yes?”

“Do you even need to ask? It’s beautiful here.”

Lori clutched to his arm, “It is. Tell me the date of the wedding again.”

“June 15th, honey.”

“One month and ten days from now.”

“I’m marking down the days,” Rick couldn’t help grinning. Something about being in the church made him think of Negan, wherever he was, whatever he was doing. His smile gave way to laughter, he bent over clutching at his stomach. Lori looked at him confused.

“You okay there?”

“Oh shit,” he wiped the tears from his eyes, “It’s nothing. Well it is something. But not something you’d understand.”


	8. An Answered Prayer

“Okay you sorry little shits, the goal is right fucking over there. The entire point of the game is to get the ball right the fuck there. You ignore that goalie, you ignore the crowds and all the little bastards trying to knock you down. It’s only you and that goal,” Negan growled, he shoved a cheeseburger into his mouth and took a huge bite out of it, mayo dribbling down his chin. “It’s not that hard. How can you fuck this up?”

Underneath his towering figure a whole team of 13 year olds stared  up at him, their eyes wide, mouths gaping. One pointed at Negan and started laughing.

“He’s got jizz on his mouth!”

The rest of the kids burst into laughter.

Negan groaned and threw his head back, wiping his mouth. “Shut up.” The hamburger was still in his hand and he probably shouldn’t have been consumed by his emotions, much less taken the teasing from a bunch of kids so seriously but he threw that damn burger.

He hit the target. Right in that little fuckers face.

Crap.

There was silence. Complete silence.

The game hadn’t even started yet and they were staring at him like they already lost. Negan knew perfectly well that they were lucky they made it this far and the team they were about to go against was pretty good, especially compared to his shitty team full of scrawny boys with a horrible sense of humor.

“Uh—“ Negan struggled to find words, he pulled a napkin out of his pocket and handed it to the kid who looked down in the dumps completely humiliated in front of  his team by a grown fucking man. “Here uh—clean up your face.”

More silence until another kid finally spoke, “What the fuck Coach Negan?”

“Hey—no uh—no cussing alright,” he then looked back at the kid he threw the burger at. “Don’t worry that ain’t lunch. I’ll take you scrappy pups over to whatever garbage pizza place is around here. It’s on me if you guys win or not.” He paused and pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, “But please win for god’s sake.”

They lost. They didn’t just lose, they had their asses handed right back to them time and time again. It was so ridiculous, Negan was overwhelmed with shame and this all-consuming need to protect them from their inadequacy. And god they sucked.

Negan took them back in his station wagon, all of them squeezing together in the back seat. That one kid he threw the burger got the honor of sitting in the front. It was the least he could do.

When he was stuck at a traffic light, he rested his arm against the door smoking a cigarette and blowing the smoke out the open window. He looked outside at the people running their errands. Looks were always changing. It was all long and flowing, women with their feathered hair, men with their sideburns and mustaches. It was nearly the end of the decade already and Negan was just barely considering growing a beard.

He still looked good especially for a guy who was over the hill.  He’d catch the girls and some of the guys watching him. That temptation the same threat as it’d always been since before.

For some time he’d jumped from job to job but his gig as a coach stuck. It wasn’t all that bad. The kids weren’t bad either. He felt a little warm and fuzzy sometimes when he’d be around them. They were real assholes but at least they were honest, too young to censor themselves. That was always refreshing even if it was hard to keep up sometimes.

The good thing about pizza places is that he knew if he drove long enough he’d run into one and sure enough he did. The boys spread out throughout the place like locusts, excited to play the games. Negan shrugged it off and ordered the pizza, certain after playing long enough the bastards would follow the scene of grease and melted cheese straight back to him.

“Yeah. Hey,” Negan caught notice how pretty the girl was, he blinked quickly, flipping the switch from friendly to flirtatious. “Honey you see those kids over there. I’m their coach and those little saps lost their game. We came all the way from Virginia, can you believe that? It is so damn disheartening.”

She looked in the direction he was pointing. The kids were in the ballpit, hamburger kid was dunking one of the other kids into the balls, the boy struggling like he was being drowned.

“They look okay to me,” she said deadpan. “You gonna order or?”

“Three large pepperonis,” Negan sighed. He handed her cash and leaned against the counter, bored and impatient with the sweet time she was taking to count the change.

Someone caught his eye. He was a good looking guy from what he could see from behind, the real kicker probably would have been if he had a real ugly face but as soon as he turned Negan’s mouth fell open.

The girl was handing him his change, “Hey. Sir.”

“Huh?” Negan just grabbed it and tucked the cash into his pocket. He had to get a closer look because he wasn’t sure if he was seeing right.

They were in Atlanta but Atlanta was a big city, it couldn’t be possible.

Apparently it sure the fuck was. He was honest to god looking at Rick Grimes, in all his middle aged glory and by god he looked good enough to eat. Negan kept pacing, rubbing his chin just looking at him. He was fighting an internal battle. Leave it as is or go say hello?

Like a lasso pulling him in, he approached Rick pelvis first. He swayed his hips trying his hardest to seem as cool as casual as possible but some part of him knew he probably looked really weird. At this point it was the last thing he was thinking about because Rick’s piercing blue eyes were on his.

“HI,” Negan heard himself say. “I mean hey. Uh. Remember me?”

Stupid.

_Oh hey remember me, Negan. The guy who got run out of town. The guy you said goodbye to. The guy you lost your virginity to._

Rick’s eyes grew wide, his expression a mixture of confusion and shock as he overlooked Negan’s much older features. Negan felt Rick’s hand grasp at his arm, he narrowed his eyes looking back at the kids playing then back to him.

“Negan. You uh—“

“Llook good,” Negan grinned, looking at Rick fondly.

“There’s that ego.”

“Never thought I’d see you again, huh?”

“Well you’re seeing me now,” Rick pulled him out of sight and into the corridor leading to the bathroom. “I’m here with my kids.”

“Kids,” Negan’s eyes brightened, he looked behind Rick’s shoulder. “Which ones are yours?”

“I ordered the pizza, Carl is actually outside pushing Judy around in the stroller. She started crying, but it calms her.”

“Say. Judy and Carl. Those are good names.”

“They’re great kids,” Rick looked down at his hand that was still on Negan’s arm. Negan took it in his hand and held it, caressing it with his thumb before letting Rick take it back.

Rick was certainly still the same Rick, he huffed, embarrassed and shy. He looked behind him then back at Negan, swallowing nervously. He brought his eyes to look at Negan’s much darker ones, quickly darting away like he was staring straight at the sun.

“We still got it, huh?”

“Of course you’d say that,” Rick rolled his eyes, scratching at his beard. It was a nice beard. A nice full one. Negan was already wondering what it’d feel like against his skin. His mind went back to those places before he really had any say. Rick seemed to have that kind of hold on him.

“I’m just kidding,” Negan smiled warmly, tucking his hands into his pockets. “I’m a soccer coach. Brought my team here and they’re causing all sorts of destruction before they eat. You know how kids are.”

“I do,” Rick laughed.

“So what are you doing in Atlanta? You live here or—“

“Oh no. I was picking up the kids at my wife’s place,” Rick looked troubled, he swallowed then sighed, “Ex-wife.”

Negan’s ears perked up and his eyes brightened. There wasn’t a ring on Rick’s ring finger and he probably shouldn’t have looked so happy because Rick looked so fucking sad. “Shit. Lori?”

“Yeah.”

“She leave you,” it was dawning on him that it was impossible to think anyone would dump Rick Grimes especially looking at him now in all his perfection.

“Yeah,” Rick nervously pulled on his earlobe, looking away, “Can we not talk about this?”

“Oh no problem. It’s just,” Negan chuckled, his eyes looking more sincere than he intended, “I mean, does that woman have some sort of disorder or something? She stupid?”

“She what,” Rick’s eyes widened before he laughed. “No. No. She’s anything but that.”

“I have to say I’m digging your look, if I could say so myself,” he was leaning towards Rick like a predator, and Rick was certainly feeling it, a little uncomfortable at how intense he could be with someone he hadn’t seen in 20 years. “What inspired this little fashion statement?” He ever so slightly tugged at Rick’s collar and Rick instinctively bit his lower lip. A lapse in judgement cause Negan caught onto his body language quick.

Rick was looking pretty cool though, the beard, the grown out hair, slicked back, with loose curls at the ends. Negan thought of the lone curl he held in his hand when he had danced with Rick, his hair just needing a trim back then. He was wearing a blue button up shirt that really brought up his eyes and in all honesty Negan was feeling a little stupid that he was wearing his coach clothes, a polo and some shorts. Definitely not an outfit he’d choose if he knew he was running into Rick.

“Heartbreak will do this to you. I just stopped caring.”

“Well you look good for a sorry sap.” He pat his shoulder and lingered, he was on his toes for a moment before falling back down onto his heels.  That was the end of it. They’d both moved on, become different people. A hello was more than enough, so Negan just gave a tilt of the head. “I’ll be over there.”

Rick nodded and smiled, Negan hesitated, hoping that maybe Rick would object but he didn’t so he just started his walk of shame.

“Oh hey,” Rick caught up to him. Damnit. He always had the power to jerk him around like some puppet. “I still have your motorcycle in my garage.”

“My what,” Negan wasn’t so sure he was hearing right. “Damn. My baby? I thought she was long gone. I boozed it up the second I came to the conclusion the mechanic sold her for parts.”

“Lori hated that I kept it. I tried to learn and I got a hang of it,” Rick nodded, not entirely convincing Negan. He burst into laughter. “No I didn’t. I sucked.”

“Hey that’s okay, I bet you looked real good on it. It’s a shame I never got to screw you on—“Negan went too far, he took a step back and stopped talking for a second. The expression on Rick’s face was priceless. Some kids ran past them but luckily didn’t hear him. He could never control the volume of his voice. He cringed and took a deep breath. “Sorry I get carried away. Trying to keep that in check.”

“You were doing good so far,” Rick eventually smiled, Negan reciprocated it, exhaling in relief. “You can come by any time. A phone call beforehand would be great though.” After going through his pockets, Rick grabbed his receipt and a pen they had lying around near the cashier. He jot down his phone number and address, Negan watched him admiring the way his eyelashes fluttered while he scribbled.

“Shit. There’s that southern hospitality I’ve come to know and love,” Negan laughed.

Rick seemed nervous, looking at Negan, his eyes still big and blue. He wiped his hands off on his pants and looked down at his shoes. The front door opened and Rick’s look changed. “I uh—I gotta go.”

“Dad the pizza ready yet,” and that’s when the kid Negan would assume was named Carl came into view. He was pushing the stroller a bit rushed and annoyed with his father. “This place takes forever.”

“Your order is ready sir,” called out the girl, placing the box of pizza on the counter.

“Well lucky you,” Negan said to Carl.

Carl narrowed his eyes at him, watching him carefully. From the start Negan could tell this one was a rebellious tough cookie. He was cute, eyes baring into him just like when his dad was mad. Good to know that gene was passed on to his offspring.

Rick got the pizza and shrugged at Negan. “Remember. I’m just a phone call away if you’re in the neighborhood.”

“Yeah. Rick uh—have a good one.”

And like that cutest little family was gone. He kind of beat himself up for not looking in the stroller, that little Judy was probably just as cute, maybe even cuter. If he could thank Lori for one thing, it was for helping bring those tykes in this world.

“Uh sir,” the girl called out to Negan. “Three pepperonis yeah?”

“Oh yeah,” Negan furrowed his brow and got them off the counter, taking them to the table closest to all the games. He called out to the ballpit. “Daddy’s hungry, you little shits better get your share before I gobble it all up.”

\---------

It was a long way from Georgia to Virginia. The ride back echoed of his homecoming in ’59. Lost, confused, a little bit heartbroken, but also a little bit hopeful. After dropping off the kids to their nice suburban homes Negan was back at his house. It didn’t feel so nice or welcoming. He sat there in his car in silence, the sun was long gone, crickets were chirping on his yellow patchy lawn. A rusty lawn chair was in the middle of the grass, broken, caving in on itself.

He backed up his car and went for a ride.

Turn after turn, one stoplight after and another. A while had passed before Negan realized he had a destination in mind. It was one in the morning when he stopped at a gas station to gas up his car. He got himself a coffee, and from the store window he looked at a phonebooth not more than a few feet away.

The receipt was in his back pocket. The numbers were smudged so he hoped for the best he got them right.

Each ring was more deafening than the other. He lost track of time, of his location, of all rational thought. He just wanted to see Rick again and feel something.

“Hello,” a voice answered, soft and low.

Negan cleared his throat, “Rick?”

“Yeah. Speaking,” he could hear him getting up from the bed drowsily.

“You said you were just a phone call away and,” Negan nervously chuckled, “This is my phone call.”

“It’s late.”

“It is. I’m sorry. I could call another time.”

“No it’s okay. You aren’t in the neighborhood are you? I just put Judy to sleep and—“

“No. I’m still—“ Negan realized he was going to have to lie, “I’m still in Atlanta but I could be there in the morning or afternoon. Whenever.”

“Late afternoon? I have to work a shift. I’m supposed to go in at 5 am. It’s 1.”

That was enough to silence Negan with guilt, “I get it. Beauty rest.”

Rick didn’t say anything. He could hear him breathing on the line for a few moments before speaking again, “What got you calling now? It wasn’t for sex was it?”

“What? No,” Negan scoffed, “I just---you were on my mind and well---“

“Oh.”

Negan could almost hear Rick’s smile, he felt warmth spread through his cheeks as he clutched onto the phone, watching the cream in his coffee swirl.

“We will catch up then, won’t we,” said Rick.

“Yeah. Goodnight, baby.”

“Don’t call me baby.”

Rick hung up. Negan covered his mouth, trying to muffle his excited laughter.

\------------

The weather was nice enough that afternoon. Rick was riding around the block in his cop car. He had the next series of events plotted out for himself, first he’d shower then—

Negan was in his driveway, leaning his back against his station wagon, arms crossed. White t shirt and jeans. Licking his lips, lost in thought, Rick eventually got out of his car, Negan appearing to be pleased as soon as he saw him in uniform.

“Well fuck me. Is it my birthday already?”

“C’mon don’t tease me. The people of this nice town respect the uniform. You should too.”

Negan was holding himself back, he was ready with a suggestive quip but he kept his mouth shut this time.

“Alright then,” he smirked, following Rick closely as got the garage door open.

The garage was full of all sorts of junk. Car parts, old kid's bicycles, containers stacked on top of another full of Christmas lights and suburban stuff like that. Well shit. Negan’s house still had the same Christmas lights from two years ago. Granted, they didn’t work but he never found the time to take them down.

From the furthest corner Rick emerged from behind the containers, wheeling the motorcycle out.

“I’d keep it out of sight from Lori,” Rick laughed. “There I go saying her name again.”

“That’s fine. Wow, Rick,” Negan marveled in it, his hands resting on his hips. “It’s in great condition. You took care of her.”

“Yeah,” Rick tried to minimize the effort he put into its upkeep, “When one of your best friends is a mechanic, it kind of felt like it was my responsibility.”

“And you’re cool with me taking it? She’s probably more yours than mine at this point.”

“Oh no,” Rick smiled. “She’s probably been waiting for you this whole time.”

 _She?_ Or Rick?

Negan fretted on that thought as he noticed Rick’s coyness. He had changed, not in an obvious way. But in a way that Negan caught on to quick, it was all in the details. He was heartbroken and was waiting for someone to put him back together. Maybe Negan was going too far in thinking he was the one Rick had been thinking of all along. The memory was there though, he could hear it in Rick’s voice.

He got the bike and took it out into the driveway, turning it on. After sitting on it for a while, he let his head fall back.

“Oh this is good. She’s a fucking rocket,” Negan moaned loudly. Rick caught up to him, wiping his hands on a rag.

“Great.”

“Let’s go somewhere.”

“I don’t know.”

“Not far. There’s got to be a gas station we could pick up some beers at round the corner right?”

“I am not getting on that bike with you.”

“Missed opportunity but that’s your loss. How about you change out of that, get your ass in the shower like you were intending to in the first place and I’ll bring you the beers, princess.”

“That I’m fine with.”

Negan’s bike roared away, from where Rick was standing he noticed the curtain on the window near the front door move. He got inside and saw Carl in the living room with a perplexed look.

“Who is that guy?” There was something strange about the tension between them, something Carl sensed early on.

“I told you already,” Rick huffed nervously, “I knew him a long time ago. He left his bike behind and I kept it.”

“And you’re just gonna give it away? Didn’t you put money into it?”

“We’re friends. Friends do favors for each other. That’s how you and Enid are right? Didn’t you spend your lunch money on her the other day?”

“Yeah,” Carl crossed his arms.

“You watch out for her, I watched out for him.”

“I don’t like him.”

Rick chuckled, unbuttoning his shirt. He raised his gaze to Carl’s, cocking his eyebrow with a smirk on his lips, “Trust me, a lot of people don’t.”

\----------

“Holy hell, now that is one top notch baby if I’ve ever seen one.” Negan was looking right into Judy’s crib, she was staring straight back at him, her developing brain trying to make some sense of him. He was definitely animated, she was interested based on his expressions alone.

Rick nodded enthusiastically, “Yes.”

“Can I carry her,” Negan asked, exuding a childlike enthusiasm.

“Go ahead.”

Carefully he lifted her, bouncing her in his arms. “Alright you angel. I won’t drop you, I got big strong arms and everything.”

Rick gave him a perplexed look, then took a drink out of his beer. He found himself musing that he’d never imagine seeing Negan this way before and this thought pushed him to ask a question he’d been thinking about for a while.

“You got any of your own?”

Negan stopped bouncing her, his smile falling, he shrugged and put her back in the crib. “Nah. Never happened.”

“With uh—Lucille?”

“Yeah. And it never happened.”

“You’re still old enough and—“

“No need. C’mon,” Negan gestured for him to stop with his cheesy optimism. “Maybe it’s not supposed to happen? I’m not the most reliable guy and—“

“You were great with Judy just now.”

“That’s different,” Negan watched Judy, a big ol’ smile on her sweet face, “She’s the one who was great with me.”

If there was something similar about the Grimes’ households is that they were always warm and cozy. This was especially the case with Rick house. It was the kind of place you’d have cookouts in. He had a grill and a nice enough backyard. His place was a little messy but it wasn’t really out of the realm of possibility to reach the conclusion Lori was the caretaker and without her he was a little in over his head.

“You got yourself a nice place here, Rick.”

“I worked my ass off for everything that I have,” Rick said solemnly then threw himself onto his brown leather couch. “I did it for my kids and for—“

“Maybe that oughta be your last beer, bud,” Negan pointed at his bottle and planted himself right next to him.

“I’m not drunk.”

“I know but it’s making you melancholy. I didn’t sign up for melancholy. I need the Rick who took the piss on me when I deserved it. You know the Rick that drives me up that fucking wall.”

“You’re a piece of crap.”

“I hear you loud and clear,” Negan beamed. He stretched out and crossed his legs on the coffee table, slouching so low he had a double chin. “So what’s on the box.”

“Hmm. Looks like it’s The Magnificent Seven. I think,” Rick squinted his eyes, “Hey,” he smiled, Negan looked at him, eyes half lidded. “You still got that leather jacket of yours.”

“Uh. Yeah. I’m very materialistic. No way in hell I’d throw it away. It’s just in the backseat with all my fast food wrappers,” he chuckled.

“Sounds like it’s in good hands,” Rick stretched out.

“Hold on. I’ll go get it,” Negan giggled and ran off.

After gulping down the rest of the bottle Rick waited patiently with his hands on his stomach. He could hear Negan cursing outside, which meant he was pretty loud considering the tv was on at full volume. In a rush he heard him come back in, slamming the front door behind him.

“Let me see that jacket, Negan,” Rick laughed.

Negan stood in the middle of the living room proudly, showing it off, giving him the 360 view, really rubbing it in that he still fit into the thing. He still was tall and lean and—well—Rick blinked and licked his lips.

“What do you think,” Negan grinned proudly.

They were kissing in the hall in front of Rick’s bedroom all of a sudden, who knows how they took the party from the living room to there.  It was all a haze. In the midst of kissing Negan, Rick gave a passing glance to Carl’s room. The light was out, he was luckily asleep for once. The two men got tangled up in each other so quick. Rick’s arms around Negan’s shoulders, pulling him down and closer.

Negan always had this thing about holding his chin while they’d kiss and it wasn’t until that moment that Rick realized how much he missed that. He felt himself melting right into him. When they walked into the bedroom, Negan held Rick’s hand, pulling him towards the bed and Rick came to his senses. He felt his fingers brush against the white gold of his wedding ring, Negan’s wedding ring. Rick had seen it earlier and he admitted he’d done everything possible to avoid the question.

“Oh shit,” Rick dropped his head and covered his face.

Negan was shocked and confused, “Hey baby,” he approached him, rubbing his shoulders. “What’d I do wrong? I’m sorry.”

“No. I knew,” Rick’s voice was now a weak whisper.

“I thought we both were okay with it. It won’t be like before,” Negan gave a weak laugh, “My stamina isn’t what it used to be. But let’s keep that between us. It’ll just be once and we could fall asleep with the tv on like we could have done every day for the rest of our lives.”

“Negan,” Rick smiled, his shoulders drooping.

“Yeah. I take that back,” Negan rubbed his chin, “I like your kids.”

“Can we just go straight to falling asleep with the tv on?”

“That’s fine. I’m the beggar here, you’re the king. Whatever you want,” Negan tried to hide the disappointment but he was strangely okay with it.

They settled into bed together, their feet touching underneath the covers, Rick’s head on Negan’s chest as the room was dimly lit up from the tv playing the same movie they were watching earlier. Negan felt Rick sigh before saying something.

“Are you having problems with her?”

“Yeah. The place doesn’t feel right anymore.”

“You have to try at least.”

I drove all the way back to Virginia from here and then I came the fuck back. I wasn’t in town. Not anymore. That’s why I called so late. I was half way there and I didn’t think to call. It was like a magnetic pull was bringing me back here. I was like Johnny Cash and you was like—“

“I am not June Carter, god damnit,” Rick buried his head in his shoulder, muffling his own laughter. “You gotta stop calling me a girl.”

Negan grinned ear to ear, his voice low and deep, “You sure as hell aren’t a girl, especially where it matters.”

“But the point I was trying to make is that god damnit, Negan, my door is always gonna be open. It’s just right now, it’s not in the way you want it to be. Maybe in the future, maybe. Right now you need to grow the fuck up, and tell the world fuck you and keep going on. I know you better than you think and I know you love Lucille. You’d never want anything to happen to her, but you hate yourself too damn much to see that. And if you put up a good enough fight and still lose well—I’m not making any promises.”

“Shit, I get you. I’m no good for you, I see that. You don’t need to beat around the bush.”

“It’s up to me to make that choice, not you. But right now what we both need are friends.”

Negan scoffed, “Friends? You been watching Sesame Street or something.”

“Yeah, of course I am,” Rick frowned and Negan thought on it, then nodded in agreement.

“Oh right Judy.”

“I’m learning the most basic life lessons on that show and friendship is very important.”

“Do you hear yourself right now, Rick. You’re basing decisions off a kid’s show.”

“Negan, there’s a strong chance I’m in love with you and you love me too. It’s not something you just laugh off.”

“God you’re right," Negan nodded enthusiastically like he had some great epiphany, "I love you. I fucking love you, Rick Grimes. It just rolls off my tongue so perfectly.”

“Love ain’t selfish. It’s not about ownership, it’s unconditional and it’s just…logic is telling me the right thing to do and it’s the same as last time but I’m not cutting you off. Not completely. There’s still enough room for you here.” Rick put his hand on his heart and Negan pretty much turned into a pile of mush right there. His lips trembling.

"Christ that as sappy as all fuck."

"It is," Rick looked a little disgusted with himself but Negan was still touched, his childish comment more of a reflex than anything.

Eventually Negan spoke after some time passed, a little relieved he didn’t start crying. “I have to be honest here but I haven’t slept in 24 hours. I’m gonna hit the hay.”

Rick nodded and muted the tv, and as soon as his head rested against his pillow, he was out. It was nice being in their little bubble again, even if it was just for the night. 

\----------

In the morning Negan sat at the kitchen table with Carl and Judy. He ate a bowl of cereal, but he didn’t feel all the comfortable with the pair of eyes that were on him.

“You uh—got a problem there kiddo,” Negan faced Carl head on.

“You were asleep in my dad’s bed,” Carl said point blank. Negan nodded, then shrugged.

“I get nightmares.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

Rick walked into the room and immediately sensed the tension. He looked at Carl and sighed. “You’re old enough to know this but me and Negan used to date. Nothing happened though,” Carl’s jaw dropped, the spoon in his hand along with it. “Your mom said I was a bad communicator so I’m working on honesty again. I’m here if you have any questions—“

“I have a lot of questions dad,” Carl spat out. “Is that why mom hated when you’d talk about him?”

“She probably had a feeling,” Rick sighed as he sat down at the table, fixing himself his own bowl of cereal.

“Well shit,” Negan smirked, “I feel like a homewrecker now.”

Carl and Rick both glared at him, the same brilliant glare. Negan settled down, still laughing to himself. He shoved a spoon in his mouth, thoroughly enjoying his cornflakes. Rick was reading his newspaper, Carl was reading his comic books and Judy was beside him with a plate full of cheerios that kept missing the mark and falling onto her high chair. Negan smiled at her and she caught sight of him, no longer distracted with her cereal, she giggled and bounced in her chair. Negan saw her like a ray of hope, a million different possibilities of who she'd become. She was perfect, so beautiful in her innocence. Capable of the purest of love that Negan never had imagined feeling, warmth radiating in his chest. He wanted to be a father. And suddenly he knew he still had a place in the world, sure he'd go back to Lucille, but this was every bit of a home as it was with her. 

Judy was still smiling at _him_. Now if that wasn’t the nicest thing Negan had ever seen in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/D1D3E27K)


End file.
